Mitchell: Oh, let's see here. Uh, yeah. Oh, the Tooth Fairy. "1 Tooth Fairy Lane. Tooth City, Tooth Dakota."
Lily: I hope it's another $100.
Cameron: Ooh! Well, lookie there. Glitter!
Mitchell: I guess the tooth fairy doesn't have to worry about vacuuming.
Cameron: See, "Dear Lily, I'm writing because I made a mistake and gave you too much money. Please leave the $100 under your pillow tonight, and I'll give you a dollar. Sorry if that bites."
Lily: Let me see that. [takes letter] I can't read.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Lily lost her first tooth today. And she's very excited about a visit from the tooth fairy.
Cameron: When I had my first loose tooth, my mama tied one end of the string to it, and the other to the tail of a Guernsey cow, fired off a 12-gauge shotgun, and the cow went running out of the room.
Mitchell: That never happened.
Cameron: Tell that to the cow-shaped hole in my bedroom wall.

Jay: "Chuck Stone, 6-foot, 3-inches of steely eyed determination sat at the interrogation table." "His mind was a blank..." "A complete blank." "He literally could not think of one single, solitary thing. Then he noticed a spot." "It looked like syrup left over from breakfast." "Which made him realize it was lunchtime." "A bacon, lettuce, and tomato, sandwich or B.L.T, as Chuck Stone called it, would really hit the spot." "The secret, Chuck realized, was real mayonnaise. Not that healthy crap his wife kept buying for their son." Damn it! "I mean, what's the point of t-t-t-t-t-t-t? Tea for two. Two for tea." It only gets worse from here.