Luke: [aside to camera] I accidentally called my teacher "mommy." My "friend" Reuben went around and told everyone. "Oh, hey, Reuben, do you remember that class field trip to the zoo when the zebra rushed the fence and you peed your pants?" I didn't tell anyone, not even on the bus ride home when he had to sit next to mom-- Ms. Bockman! Damn it!

Sonia: [holding laundry basket] Where is the river?

Phil: Hey, kids. How was your day?
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I knew the answer to that question. I'd had kind of a busy day going around solving everyone's problems. I started by going to see my buddy Stavros the florist. That's when I realized my kids didn't understand the concept of killing with kindness because they'd never seen it. So I decided I'd prove it to them by going on a huggacidal rampage.