Gloria: Ugh. I want to be so mad at him, but he's right. I have two brains in my body, but I've never been so dumb.
Claire: It happens. I get it. You have another human being inside of you, competing for resources. Look, when I was pregnant with Alex, I could barely remember my name.
Gloria: Same with Haley and Luke?
Claire: Mm, not so much. They kind of just hung out in there, let me do my thing.

Manny: Look, I'm Mexico. Again. Does anybody care that I'm not from Mexico?
Luke: You keep saying that, but we've never seen a birth certificate.

Gloria: Oh, I see what this is. You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady!
Jay: You're the one who called her.
Gloria: I did?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I called Claire. Gloria needs watching. She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain. Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridge and a stick of butter in the shower. I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn.
Manny: Better than the toast I ate.
Jay: Yet you ate the second piece.