Cameron: Soothing, right? You see, as the music relaxes the baby, you relax.
Gloria: No, you're making the baby jump on my bladder. How can it relax listening to a song about a hooker?
Cameron: She's not a hooker, she's a private dancer. A dancer for money. She'll do what you want her to- Oh, my gosh, I taught Lily this song.

Manny: How can she not be here, either? This is hopeless.
Luke: Have a little faith. Did the Jews give up when the Egyptians chased them to the banks of the red sea?
Manny: How do you know all this stuff?
Luke: Was I the only one listening to Uncle Menachem's toast?

Gloria: I am sorry, but he's supposed to pick up the crib at the store, and I am too tired. The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
Cameron: You can be both. My senior year, I was a right-side linebacker and a left-side cancan dancer in "Gigi."
Mitchell: Wow. She really set you up for that one, didn't she?
Cameron: Yeah, when it came out of her mouth, I nearly stopped breathing.