Gloria: Manny, you don't seem so happy. You usually love when I pull you out of school to play hockey.
Manny: "A," it's "hooky," and "B," don't ever take me out of school to play hockey.
Gloria: Did something bad happen at school?
Manny: They fired the music teacher.
Gloria: Mr. Hideo Namagachi?
Manny: That you say perfectly.

Phil: [on the phone] Claire, where are you?
Claire: Oh, honey, I just had a hellish experience at the post office. I have post-post office traumatic stress disorder.
Phil: Nailed it.

Claire: Is there anything else you need for your procedure?
Phil: Um, I think I'm supposed to have ice cream.
Claire: Hmm. Actually, I don't-
Phil: I'm sorry. Is it a vasecto-you, or a vasectomy?