Claire: [aside to camera] Phil is taking Haley to visit his Alma Mater.
Phil: Loved college.
Claire: Mm, we were hoping some of that enthusiasm rubs off on her. Go, bullfrogs!
Phil: Dogs. Bulldogs. I feel like you do that on purpose.
Claire: No, it's just I say "bull, " and I can't remember if it's frogs or dogs.
Phil: When I talk to my old friends from college, do we croak or do we bark?

Claire: What the hell is this? No. I asked you guys for a fun night out. Not this. I-I-I need music and dancing and secondhand smoke.
Cameron: Oh, please give this place a chance. It's a great value. The room is so cozy, and the potpies are to die for.
Claire: Are you really comfortable with what you just said? Come on. What happened to the party people who took me to a rave, and I got to wear a tube top, and I stuffed cash in a caged go-go boy's speedo?
Mitchell: We're still party people.
Cameron: Oh, Joanne, before I forget, can I get a punch? One away from a free potpie.
Claire: If that was your gay card, it would be revoked.

Holly: Hey, Claire, listen. Uh, if you want, some of the moms are gonna stay and watch "Gone with the wind" in my new screening room. I got Pinot!
Claire: I would love to, but I'm not feeling that great, so I'm probably just gonna go home and rest. Plus I've seen that movie.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: No, I never saw "Gone with the Wind," but I have two kids at sleepovers, and Haley's out of town with Phil. That means I have one night to myself, which happens once every... never. I am not spending it with some gossipy mom who was mean to me in High School. I need a fun night out.