Mitchell: [aside to camera] When I was 12 years old, my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do... dancing to Madonna's "Lucky Star." And from that moment on, there's always been a part of me that I've kept from him. And yet here he was laughing with my friends. And I don't know... maybe the problem was me.

Longinus: John Schneider was the one.
Mitchell: John Schneider from Dukes of Hazzard?
Cameron: That was your first crush?
Longinus: Oh, my God, yes. Bo Duke. Delicious.
Pepper: He was a redneck who drove a car called the General Lee with a giant Confederate flag on it. That wasn't a turn off for you?
Longinus: Look, I know he was all kinds of wrong, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Crispin: Mitchell was just about to tell us who his first boy crush was.
Mitchell: No, I wasn't.
Pepper: Let me bring you up to speed. Crispin's was Joey Mclntyre whoever that is. Longinus said John Schneider.
Jay: Your name is Longinus?
Longinus: I know. I never stood a chance.