Luke: Don't cry, Mom.
Claire: I am not crying. Let me fill you in on a little secret, Luke. When I met your dad, I was fun too. But I had to give all that up, because you can't have two fun parents. That's a carnival. You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents. Mark my words. Mm-hmm.

Manny: [on the phone] Uh, yes, hello. Is Seymour Butts there?
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I never made a prank call, never mixed different sodas together to see what they'd taste like. So I knew I had to make the most of what little childhood I had left.
[back:]
Manny: Not Lutz. I'm looking for Butts. Yes, I'm trying to get ahold of Butts. Very funny. I don't have time for this foolishness.

Jay: [aside to camera] I like being on time. It's easy, 'cause I'm organized. Not my wife. You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.
Gloria: [entering] Ay. Sorry, sorry. I couldn't find my earring. So what were we talking about, huh?