Gloria: Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.

Alex: What are you doing? I was about to call Mackenzie?
Haley: Yeah, I know. Now shut up and let me help you. The world is divided into two groups: Cool girls and girls like you. And you have been given a rare opportunity to move from the former to the latter.
Alex: The latter to the former.
Haley: Whatever. Oh, my God, you're such a geek. Now, do you want to be smart, or do you want to be popular?

Jay: But these people don't want me there. See, they're just being polite. I'm the boss.
Gloria: That's what you tell yourself so you can stay above them. You just throw them an Obama Steak and run to the golf course.