Phil: Well, gotta hit the sack. Big Saturday tomorrow.
Claire: That's right. It's somebody's birthday.
Phil: Not just that. The iPad comes out- on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "We love you, Phil."

Manny: B-E-L-I-E-V-E. Believe.
Gloria: Are you sure there's not an "E-I" in the middle?
Manny: No. It's "I-E."
Gloria: Good, papi! If I can't fool you, then your teachers can't fool you either.
Manny: I don't think they're trying to fool me.

Claire: What is so great about that doohickey anyhow?
Phil: "Doohickey," Elly May? It's a movie theater, a library and a music store all rolled into one awesome pad.
Alex: A library is a place where people get books.
Haley: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.