Jay Quote #99
Quote from Jay in My Funky Valentine
David Brenner: In Oregon, the state legislature ratified a, uh, bill that from now on it is a crime to have sex in Oregon with a farm animal. How ugly are the women in Oregon?
Gloria: He's funny, Jay.
Jay: I know. See?
David Brenner: I can tell you're not- You're not from Oregon.
Gloria: No.
David Brenner: You are gorgeous.
Gloria: Thank you.
David Brenner: Thank you for bringing your father to the show.
Jay: Oh, no. I'm her husband, Dave.
David Brenner: No kidding.
Jay: Yeah.
David Brenner: What's it like to be married to someone who was there when the Bible was written? What was it called then? Just "The Testament"?
Jay: That's, uh- That's- That's good stuff. [claps]
David Brenner: Oh, now he's trying to turn out the light.
Modern Family Quotes
‘My Funky Valentine’ Quotes
Quote from Dylan
Claire: Hi, Dylan.
Dylan: Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Dunphy. [hands Claire a rose]
Claire: Oh. Dylan, thank you. That is so sweet.
Dylan: You know, all women should look as tasty as you when they're old.
Claire: Huh. Conflicted.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] Gloria and I are from different generations. And I won't lie- It isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought Simon and Garfunkel were my lawyers.
Gloria: No I didn't.
Jay: It was a joke.
Gloria: I don't get it.
Jay: Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
Gloria: Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Mind if I join you? I'm Clive. Clive Bixby.
Claire: Yes, I can see that. I'm Juliana. So, Clive, you in town for a convention, or do you just forget your name a lot?
Phil: Pretty kitty has nails. I like that. I'm in town for a trade show. I design high-end electroacoustic transducers. [takes out cigarette]
Claire: Wow, that is very specific.
Phil: It's a fancy way of saying I get things to make noise.
Claire: Hmm.
Phil: So, what's your story? Miss America Pageant in town?
Claire: You're a pretty smooth talker, Clive.
Phil: I'm pretty smooth all over. [lights up]
Waitress: Sir, there's no smoking in here.
Phil: Oh, that's fine. I'm not actually a smoker.
Claire: You're quite the Boy Scout, Clive.