Manny: Well, that would be sad. Except maybe my sadness will inspire me to create something even greater. Remember that collage I made that helped us get through Katrina?
Gloria: Mm-hmm.
Jay: You did this, you know that.

Claire: Wow, honey. I-I think you could make these simpler. Just, you know, sort of do 'em flat and on the side.
Phil: Hmm. Yeah. Seems like that's how you like me. Flat and on the side. You know what? Sometimes I need to be puffed up and frilly.
Claire: All right, is this one of those moments I'm gonna have to remember later when they ask me if there were any signs?
Phil: This is what Phil would do. Make fantastic napkin origami that startles and delights his guests.
Claire: I know, but, sweetie, they're just looking a little...
Phil: Claire, you always do this. You squelch me. You squelch me right when I'm about to soar.
Claire: Honey, you're folding napkins.
Phil: You're folding my dreams!

[As Claire stuffs the turkey:]
Phil: "Oh, my goodness, those hands are cold! At least buy me dinner first!"
Luke: Boom!
Claire: "Tell my wife and kids I love them."
Phil: Oh, my God.
Luke: That's kind of dark, mom.

Cameron: There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists... Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Phil: [aside to camera] If I had a son, I'd want him to be like Kenneth Ploufe.
Claire: You do have a son.
Phil: When we first moved in here, he was the sweet kid who lived next door.
Claire: Mm, the weird kid who lived next door, but Phil always had a soft spot for him because Kenneth sort of looked up to him.
Phil: I wouldn't say hero.
Claire: And yet you did.
Phil: Well, you weren't going to. Claire's always had some issues with Kenneth.
Claire: He would stare at me a little too long.
Phil: Can you blame him? You used to dress sexy back then.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Once, Cam and his friends tried to slingshot a pumpkin across a football field. Three seconds. That's all he needs to tell that story.

Jay: Okay, what are we looking at?
Manny: My centerpiece for Thanksgiving.
Gloria: It is wonderful. You're so talented. I can't believe that you did this.
Manny: Yeah, my juices were really flowing on this one. I actually shot a making-of video. Hey, maybe we can watch it later at the party.
Jay: Well, yeah, that or football.

Gloria: Mi amor, I'm so proud of you. Is there nothing in the world that you can't do?
Jay: Centerpieces, for starters.
Gloria: Shh!
Jay: Why do you say everything of his is great, even if it isn't?
Gloria: Because I'm building him up. That's what parents do.
Jay: Too much, if you ask me. Kids cross the street nowadays, they get a ribbon. Manny's got plenty of confidence. He just needs a little reality check every now and then. And this thing is a horn of ugly.

Gloria: Shh! My mother used to criticize everything I did. And look at me now. I am a jumble of insecurities.
Jay: I'm not getting that.
Gloria: Do not say a word to Manny.
Jay: Fine. But trust me, if you told him the truth, he'd thank you later.
Gloria: Mm. Like Claire and Mitch? Did they thank you?
Jay: Not yet. No. But it's coming.

Haley: Are you seriously gonna stay in here all day?
Alex: I can't face mom. If I see her, I'm gonna have to confess.
Haley: Take a breather. It's just a dent. And saying nothing is not lying, okay? It's just letting the truth speak for itself.
Alex: This is not the time for moral equivocation.
Haley: Okay, I don't know what that means, and also, don't tell me.