Lindsay: You're kidding. Another one?
Phil: I'm afraid so, Lindsay.
Sam: Who keeps taking our signs?
Gloria: Don't worry, Sam, we're going to find out. Miss, do you have any enemies? Are you in a blood feud?
Phil: Gloria.
Gloria: Have you recently joined a political opposition?

Mitchell: Oh, it's so hot. I can't wait to jump in that pool.
Lily: I never said I'd get in the pool.
Cameron: Okay, Lily, stop. You are an exotic Vietnamese beauty. Scarlett Johansson would play you in a movie until Twitter told her she couldn't.

Phil: [aside to camera] I thought about which of my competitors might want to take me down, and I kept coming back to one guy... Gil Thorpe. A man tells you enough times he's gonna "thorpedo" your career, you start to believe he might do something "therrible." Well, not this time.

Cameron: Okay, before I do more, does this look natural?
Ronaldo: That's a tricky word because the color orange does appear in nature.

Gloria: [on the phone] I have a flat tire. I'm gonna call A.A. to get it fixed.
Jay: No, Triple-A fixes tires. A.A. is that alcoholic cult, makes your friends no fun anymore.

Mitchell: Honey, what have we always taught you? Love who you are, as you are.
Cameron: Yes! Being comfortable in your skin is the most attractive thing. I mean, look at us. We're hardly Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell...
Mitchell: Could've picked dudes.
Cameron: ...but we know what we have to offer, and we're proud of it.
Mitchell: Look, it's important that you go to this party and you... you feel good about who you are. I mean, you have a gorgeous body.
Lily: No, thank you.
Cameron: Yeah, you're a little hottie!
Lily: Pass!
Mitchell: I mean, if I were a cartoon wolf and I saw you, my eyes would be like "Aah-ooo-gaa!"
Lily: Stop! I will go if you never talk to me like this again.

Phil: Okay, G, time to let you in on the dark underbelly of our business. Someone is trying to take money from my pockets, and I need to find out who.
Gloria: Do you need me to go and shake some trees for you? I did that kind of job in Colombia. I didn't get paid, but I got great references, and my cousin got to keep one ear.

Gloria: [aside to camera] My internship with Phil is almost over. He said that he would hire me full time if I did good. So, I need to find who's stealing his signs to prove my worth. Luckily, I have a plan. A couple of weeks ago, Jay put a tracker thingy on Stella because she kept getting out.
[flashback:]
Jay: She was down the block, mooning over that Chihuahua again. I mean, what does she see in him? He thinks he's so cool with that dumb handkerchief around his neck.
[back:]
Gloria: I'm going to steal Stella's tracker, and I'm gonna hide it on the sign to catch the crook. And then maybe Stella will get some alone time with her Chihuahua. With that pushed-in face, she could do a lot worse than a Latin lover.

Haley: [aside to camera] My mom was trying to show us how great it is to be a working woman 'cause she knows how torn I am about leaving my babies. It's like, oh, it'll break my heart to be away from them, but as a feminist, I want to show those snarky bitches at the office how fast my body bounced back.

Claire: Haley, you have to admit it feels good to put on nice clothes and get out in the world and not have anyone pawing at your boobs for two seconds.
Haley: Oh, God, yes! Dylan is really going through something. I think he might be regressing.
Alex: To what?