Cameron: You know, I was thinking tonight maybe we could bury the ashes in the back yard after we get back from your dad's. It's a perfect night to pay tribute.
Mitchell: W-why?
Cameron: The Pig Moon.
Mitchell: I'm sorry? One more time.
Cameron: The Pig Moon. Every years, the moon takes on a pink hue, and it aligns with Orion. It's a huge deal back home. There's a festival, they empty out all the jails as a sign of goodwill.

Lily: So, we're having, like, a ceremony tonight?
Cameron: Yes, sweetie.
Lily: But don't we have Grandpa's?
Mitchell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Cameron: Well, you know what? We're always looking for a credible reason to leave early.
Mitchell: So, what are we supposed to say? "No. No dessert for us. We got to get home. We got to bury the 25 year-old ashes of a Brunswick King sow."
Cameron: Wow. Nice attitude. It's almost like you want Pig Moon John to fill your hunting boot with coal.

Gloria: Joe, this is exactly why we're not giving you a knife until you turn six years old.

Manny: [aside to camera] I know when a female's about to burst into tears. I've seen it enough times. I had to keep my mom away from anything that reminded her I was moving away and keep myself away from Williams Sonoma. I could lose an afternoon.

Mitchell: Oh, this is from my eighth birthday. I made Mom throw a party with a whole farm theme. You know what? I need this. Cam thinks I look down on his farm life. This'll prove to him that...
Jay: Bup, bup, bup. This comes with a price. You can get me Gloria Estefan tickets, right?
Mitchell: Dad, that is offensive. Not every gay person is connected to Gloria Estefan.
Jay: But you are, right?
Mitchell: [inhales sharply] It's complicated.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Cam briefly dated a member of Gloria Estefan's band, The Miami Sound Machine. He doesn't talk about it much. Just whenever someone mentions her or Miami. Or humidity.

Claire: Oh! Great trampoline.
Dean Hinden: Thanks. I like to bounce at least minutes a day. It's where I get my best ideas.
Phil: How quirky.

Manny: What do you think? I was going for dark and mysterious, but I'm afraid I circled right back to cute and approachable.
Gloria: Oh, she's so lucky. He's always gonna be her little boy.
Manny: Mom, you're projecting on these mannequins. For all we know, he's a little person, and that's his wife who's evolved enough to see how big he is on the inside.

Gloria: You lied to me.
Jay: Well, look around! Everybody's lying. Forging paintings, driving blind, swapping ashes.
Mitchell: I didn't want to ruin the Pig Moon.
Cameron: There is no Pig Moon. How backwards do you think Grasshopper, Missouri is?

Cameron: So, this is a real Vanderkoff.
Mitchell: Yeah, yeah. It feels good to finally be free of that secret.
Cameron: Yeah, it's just great to have everything out in the open.
Mitchell: Yeah. That expensive painting you bought me over there, I moved it to cover up a hole I made in the wall.
Cameron: I only paid 25 cents for that painting at a garage sale, and I used the rest of the money on shoes.
Mitchell: I get electrolysis. My beard grows up to here.
Cameron: I don't really know how to line dance, and that's why those cowboys laughed at you when you did what I taught you. [cat meows]
Both: That's not Larry.

Phil: Imagine yourself in a museum filled with the world's oddities.
Dean Hinden: No, no, no, no. Slow down. Enjoy it. And turn around... so I can get a good look at the back. Let me see the back.
Phil: Behold the freak... for all to see.