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No Small Feet

‘No Small Feet’

Season 9, Episode 10 -  Aired December 13, 2017

After Pritchett's Closets is nominated for a prestigious award under Claire's leadership, Jay is put out that his contributions aren't being recognized. When Pam's ex-boyfriend, Bo, shows up, Mitchell senses an opportunity to get Pam out of the house. Meanwhile, Phil turns to Gloria when a superstitious home buyer is worried about a negative energy in the property, and Luke and Alex land on their feet with a successful new online venture.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] My sister Pam came to stay with us for a couple weeks.
Mitchell: A year ago. In the unit upstairs which we used to rent for money, which we need to pay for everybody in the unit downstairs.
Cameron: We had no choice. She was pregnant. The father, Bo, was in jail, and she happens to be my best friend.
Mitchell: Yeah, yeah, like Tom and Jerry are best friends.

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Quote from Mitchell

Bo: Well, if you don't mind, actually, I'd like to come in? Uh, I got to see man about a horse.
Mitchell: But we don't have
Bo: That's a classy way of saying I got to make my bladder gladder. Bathroom!
Mitchell: Uh, yes... Uh, end of the hall on on the right. Yep. Oh, and the Teen Vogues are our daughter's! We don't even know who Demi Lovato is!

Quote from Phil

Mrs. Graham: Is there something you're not telling me about this house? I am kind of getting a murdery vibe.
Phil: The only killing that's ever gonna happen in this house is the one that's gonna happen when you sell the place. [chuckles]
Gloria: Laughter makes the spirits hungry, Phil!
Mrs. Graham: Spirits? You means there's more than one?

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I just I think he deserves a second chance.
Cameron: Why do you suddenly care so much if Pam and Bo are back together?
Mitchell: I'm a divorce lawyer, Cam. I see families torn apart all the time. The emotional cost is just too high.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: The cost of everything is too high! Look, Pam made her bed. Now she needs to get out of it so I can flip the mattress to make some money off of it. Sounded more pimpy than I intended.

Quote from Cameron

Bo: I couldn't help but overhear, since we're practically in the same room and you ain't exactly whispering Can I say something on my behalf?
Cameron: No, you may not! Because if you cared about my sister, you would've been here the moment baby Calhoun was born!
Bo: I know, but when I got out of jail for punching that police horse, I discovered my truck had been towed. I had to sell my plasma for cash.
Mitchell: He thinks of others. Very noble.
Cameron: All I'm hearing is no car, no money, compromised immune system. What a great role model. And yes, he could be a model, but I will not be distracted by those beautiful big blue eyes.

Quote from Mitchell

Bo: Cam, I get it, all right? I made a lot of mistakes. But like my plasma, I decided to "B-positive." I hitchhiked, I took odd jobs, whatever I could do to get here. I mean, Pam, our boy Calhoun, they're my family. Hell, you're my family.
Cameron: Okay, I want to believe you, Bo, but, yeah, I just yeah, I've been burned too many times.
Bo: About that I got something to show you. [bag unzips]
Cameron: [gasps]
Bo: Old Stonewall Tucker would've wanted you to have this back.
Mitchell: Oh, Stonewall. I'm guessing his statue's no longer in the park.

Quote from Pam

Pam: What the hell is he doing here?!
Cameron: Now, Pameron, Bo came back for you and baby Calhoun!
Mitchell: Yeah, just just give him a chance, okay?
Bo: Oh, my gosh. Is this him? Is is that my boy?
Pam: No. This is my car and I have a little tiny driver. Of course it's him! You stay away from us, Beauregard Lavern Johnson! And stop undressing me with your devil blue eyes!

Quote from Phil

Gloria: Something's in this wall, Phil.
Phil: No, I am done with this nonsense!
Gloria: I can't believe I'm hearing this from a person that believes in magic!
Phil: I'm not the one who told you this, but magic isn't actually magic. That didn't come from your ear.
Gloria: What? How? [seeing "What? How" on Phil's card] You're with them.
Phil: There is no "them," Gloria. Everybody says "What? How?" to that trick. That's how magic works. Things that seem supernatural actually have a perfectly logical explanation.

Quote from Jay

Claire: So, that was a fun movie, Dad. Kind of made it all about you, though.
Jay: Nonsense. Try a Jay-tini.

Quote from Luke

Claire: What do you two think you're doing?
Alex: Oh, uh... We just came to congratulate you on that thing that happened.
Claire: Try again.
Luke: Fine. But there's no nice way to say this. I started a company selling Alex's disgusting, smelly shoes to feet freaks.

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