Claire: [coughing]
Phil: Are you okay? She's been feeling bad all day.
Claire: Oh. Yeah, you know. I think I might be coming down with a little something.
Phil: Oh, man.
Mitchell: Oh, my God.
Cameron: I know. I drank out of her glass earlier.
Mitchell: No. She's stealing our excuse.

Cameron: [coughing]
Mitchell: There it is. Now?
Cameron: No, I have something stuck in my throat.
Mitchell: It's too bad Lily's not here to give you the heimlich. Did we ever tell you guys that story? Do you wanna tell it?
Cameron: Yeah, let me tell it.

Cameron: Excuse me! Sir, excuse me! He's doing this on purpose!
Mitchell: He probably just doesn't notice us.
Cameron: How can he not notice us? We're the only people in here in sleeves!

Alex: They've been in there forever. Do something. You're in charge.
Haley: Oh, please. We both know I'm just a figurehead here. You really think they're doing something in there? He's 12.
Alex: He's 14, but it's touching how close you are.

Luke: What do you want?
Haley: You have to keep your door open.
Luke: Why?
Alex: Uh, well, why do you need it closed?
Luke: Because we're gonna make out.
Haley: Oh. Um... Well, you- You can't have your door closed.
Luke: Why? Do you wanna to watch or something? That's weird.
Both: Ew!
Haley: Of course we don't wanna watch.
Luke: Perfect. [closes door]

Manny: Can I offer you a pina Delgado? It's my own concoction.
Joyce: What's in it?
Manny: Let's just say it's cool, it's sweet, and it's not afraid to embrace its own whimsy.
Joyce: I'm not saying that. I'm not drinking it, either.
Manny: So you making any resolutions?
Joyce: Yeah. No more blind dates.
Lily: You're mean.
Manny: You know, she's right, Joyce. You are mean. I've been a gracious host while you've been rude, sullen, and dull. You'll forgive me if I choose not to start the new year on such a negative note. Oh, and if you're hungry for broccoli later, you'll find a piece in your teeth.

Claire: Where is this stupid path? We've been walking forever.
Phil: We'll find it.
Claire: Did that bellman seem a little off to you?
Phil: Oh, totally. Maybe there is no hot spring. Maybe this is all part of an elaborate plan to kill us.
Claire: Why would you even say that?
Phil: I'm just trying to lighten the mood. You seem so tense. Come on. This is an adventure. This is fun.

Claire: I don't wanna have an adventure. I don't wanna have fun. I wanna have sex with you.
Phil: Wha- What?
Claire: Don't make me say it again.
Phil: No, I want you to say it again. Maybe throw my name in there this time.

Phil: I made that joke about your clothes being half-off.
Claire: And yet we still did it, 'cause that's the kind of people we used to be. What happened?
Phil: Nothing happened. We're busy. It was the holidays. Dede was here. You know, she has a way of... Shutting that whole thing down.
Claire: But is this who we are now? I mean, first it's a month, then it's a year, then we're sleeping in twin beds and you're calling me "mother." And I can't even bear it, 'cause we're just like my grandp- [Phil kisses Claire]
Phil: Let's go find that hot spring and start this new year off with... Sex in a hot spring.

Cameron: Maybe we should just go get some frozen yogurt and call it a night.
Mitchell: No, Cam, come on. We can't have another New Year's where we don't even make it to midnight. I this entire holiday is just a giant reminder of how the clock is ticking. You know, each passing second is just bringing us that much closer to death.
Cameron: All this because I suggested some fro-yo?
Mitchell: I'm- I'm sick of feeling old. I-I really need this.
Cameron: Okay. Let's get you to midnight.