Phil: I'm a natural teacher.
Gloria: But I'm going to look stupid.
Phil: Gloria, trust me. As long as you're standing next to me, you will not look stupid.

Haley: I love that movie, too!
Max: Yeah, that cool fight scene on that skyscraper in Shanghai, it really made me want to go to Japan.
Alex: Why? Shanghai's in China. I'm just saying, you don't want to fly to Japan, get in a cab and say, "Take me to downtown Shanghai. It's a pretty expensive ride." [laughs]

Cameron: Oh, great. We've got the Prius that can make dinner reservations, buy movie tickets, tell us the weather. I just want one that opens.

Teddy: You were the one who said, "I need some time. I'll call you when I heal more." Ten years later...
Mitchell: I never said that.
Cameron: Oh, time to heal more! That's so sweet and sensitive. Why did you kill that part of yourself?

Teddy: So 4:00 Saturday. I'm so glad I bumped into y'all.
Cameron: Us, too. Say bye, Lily!
Lily: Bye, Lily.
Cameron: I taught her that, so...

Claire: How was dinner?
Jay: Perfect. I had a steak, I had some ice cream, Gloria found a hair in her fish, and it didn't cost us a penny!
Gloria: It might have been my own hair, but Jay was so happy that I didn't say anything.

Jay: I know you've been wanting to get back out there, and I always kind of thought that if you did go back to work, you'd come back to work with me.
Gloria: I- I worked there for half a summer 20 years ago.
Jay: And it- It was terrific, honey. Listen, obviously, we'll start you out slow. We'll give you time to re-learn about the place, and then maybe move you up. You know, you do know a guy.
Gloria: He means him!

Jay: Oh, love him. What did I say about these flowered blankets for him?
Gloria: Ay.
Jay: Huh? He's starting to take after Hugh Heff-nerd over there.
Manny: Very amusing, Jay. Let me just get your name down here.

Phil: Why would you say no? I thought you were looking for something. We could use the money, too, especially if Haley decides to go back to school.
Claire: Oh, is she still throwing out those college brochures?
Phil: Just tossed one now. Who does she think empties the trash?

Phil: Gloria. You don't know how to roller-skate.
Gloria: Of course I do. I know how to do everything. [sighs] I can't lie to that face. It's a good thing that we're not married.
Phil: Well, I don't-
Gloria: I can't skate. I am an elegant woman. That means that I never do the few things that I don't really do that good.