Season 2, Episode 21 - Aired May 4, 2011
On Mother's Day, Claire and Gloria take their kids on a hike, revealing a few home truths. Cameron is upset that Mitchell thinks of him as the "mother" in their family. Meanwhile, Phil notices Jay crying as they cook one of his mother's recipes.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Okay, I don't want you to judge me, but I have to say something. Sometimes I wanna punch my kids.
Gloria: You don't mean that.
Claire: No, I do. I do. The last time they were horrible the way they were today they happened to be all lined up and I couldn't help but think if I hit just one of 'em the rest would go down like dominoes.
Claire: I know. That would rob me of the pleasure of hitting each one individually, but...
Quote from Luke
Luke: You know, more people have died hiking than in the entire Civil War.
Alex: Okay, what book did you read that in?
Luke: Book? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Ay, Manny, I didn't mean any of it. Please, forgive me.
Manny: I don't think I can. Let's just get in the van. Oh. Sorry for the rhyme. I know how you hate my poetry.
Gloria: Please, stop my suffering. Say something terrible about me so that we can be even like a Steven.
Manny: Why would I say something terrible to someone I love?
Gloria: I curse my tongue!
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: What's this?
Mitchell: Well, it's a Mother's Day card. And I know- Stop it. Okay, Cam, that was Gloria's card from Manny. But I just wanted you to see what its definition for "mother" was on it. It's "warm," "nurturing ," "supportive." I- Maybe when the world sees you-
Cameron: Not just the world.
Mitchell: Fine. Fine. Me too. But maybe this is what we're seeing and I don't know why that's such a bad thing. It certainly doesn't make you less of a man. Right?
Cameron: Maybe you're right.
Mitchell: Yeah. Come on. Let's join the party. And, Cam, put down the scotch. You're not fooling anyone.
Cameron: It is so burn-y.
Quote from Haley
Claire: It's just hard, you know, having your Mother's Day ruined. I never thought it would be you, Lucas.
Alex: Don't even think about it.
Luke: But she's sad.
Haley: Sad she's losing. She just hit you with her best shot. We need to stay strong.
Luke: But I feel-
Haley: Don't feel. Just go splash water on your face and man up. We're your mother now.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Yeah, she was tough. I remember I had this little league coach, and one time after a game he was laying into me about something I don't remember. But Mom comes charging out of the stands. She goes right up to the guy. I mean, face-to-face. Nose to nose. And she says to him, "Let me tell you something. Nobody and I mean nobody yells at my little boy..." [sobbing]
Gloria: Oh, my God. It's happening again.
Cameron: It's okay, Jay. Let it out. Let it out.
Jay: You only get one mom.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: They offered me a bouquet, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Which you accepted.
Cameron: Why can't you ever take my side? They think of me as a woman.
Mitchell: Cam, no. We're just a new type of family. They don't have the right vocabulary for us yet. They need one of us to be the mom.
Cameron: So why does it have to be me? Do I wear a dress?
Cameron: That's a nightshirt.
Mitchell: It's kind of satiny.
Quote from Claire
Haley: I cannot believe you kept that shirt.
Claire: Of course I kept it. I'm your mother. I keep everything you make me.
Haley: Please take that off.
Claire: Oh, when I'm dead. Today is my special day, and I am gonna enjoy me some coffee.
Luke: You know that's a pencil holder, right?
Claire: I do now.
Quote from Manny
Jay: Go first.
Manny: No, you can go first.
Jay: Manny, go first.
Manny: No, Jay, you go first.
Gloria: Somebody give me a present.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Hey, what's this?
Mitchell: Well, I know you've had some late nights with Lily and this is just my way of saying thank you and I love you.
Cameron: Oh! Thank you.
Mitchell: And this is just the beginning. Today is your day.
Mitchell: Yeah. All day.
Cameron: Today? Today's my day?
Mitchell: Something's happening.
Cameron: It's Mother's Day, Mitchell.
Cameron: You're bringing me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.
Mitchell: Okay. No, no. This is not a Mother's Day breakfast. This is a breakfast that happens to be-
Cameron: You think of me as Lily's mother. I'm your wife. I'm a woman.