Longinus: John Schneider was the one.
Mitchell: John Schneider from Dukes of Hazzard?
Cameron: That was your first crush?
Longinus: Oh, my God, yes. Bo Duke. Delicious.
Pepper: He was a redneck who drove a car called the General Lee with a giant Confederate flag on it. That wasn't a turn off for you?
Longinus: Look, I know he was all kinds of wrong, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Crispin: Mitchell was just about to tell us who his first boy crush was.
Mitchell: No, I wasn't.
Pepper: Let me bring you up to speed. Crispin's was Joey Mclntyre whoever that is. Longinus said John Schneider.
Jay: Your name is Longinus?
Longinus: I know. I never stood a chance.

Longinus: Well, girl, come on in. Let's get you two drinks... one for each empty hand you showed up to the party with.

Ronaldo: What's wrong with your voice?
Longinus: The three of us just took a road trip.
Stefan: We sang Broadway tunes all the way to the Texas border.
Longinus: And then from the other side of Texas to Florida.

Cameron: [answering phone] Hey, Longe. Don't be mad at us for leaving.
Longinus: I went back to our spot, and everybody was gone. Who does that to a sister?!
Mitchell: We're sorry, but the sitter called, and, uh, Lily was running a fever. So we feel even worse about dumping Claire on you and your hot date.
Cameron: Who is gorgeous, by the way. Seems super funny, too. Perfect for you.
Longinus: Please, I wish that was a date. He's my trainer, and he's straight.
Cameron: What?
Longinus: Julian's straight.
Cameron: Oh, I love it when a straight person and a gay person go out together.
Longinus: I'd love it a lot more if he was gay.

Longinus: Hey, girl, hey. Hey, girl, hey.
Cameron: Wait, what's going on? I thought you said there were gonna be kids at this party.
Longinus: No, I said young people. Look at the pool. It's boy soup. I like me some eye candy.
Mitchell: Okay, well, we like actual candy.

Longinus: Well, there you all are. Look, I love you, but you are literally the only six people here I don't want in my bedroom.
Mitchell: Thanks. We weren't feeling insecure enough already.

Bobby: You know what I think? You only invited us because we make you look like the hot old guy!
Longinus: Old guy? I'm not old.
Cameron: Oh, please. Hide that hairline all you want. We know what year you danced on that Paula Abdul tour, and so do they.
Longinus: Oh, my God. I'm making a fool out of myself, aren't I? Straight up, now tell me.

Mitchell: I'm sad.
Longinus: That's your sad?
Mitchell: Yes.
Longinus: That's your sad?
Mitchell: Yeah. And I-I really need your support right now. [feigns holding back tears]
Ronaldo: Wait, something new is happening.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! How can you not see how emotionally raw I am right now? Huh? Nothing lasts forever. What happens when it's over?
Jotham: Poor Cam. He is so fragile.
Ptolemy: He's gonna need us.
Ronaldo: We'll be there for him.
Mitchell: Who will be there to dry these tears?
Longinus: What tears? Where they at?

Longinus: Oh, damn! Here comes my ex.
Cameron: Who? Randolph?
Mitchell: Marcus?
Cameron: Lamichael?
Longinus: No. Matt. I gotta go.
Claire: Drama. Love it! This is what I wanted.