Mitchell: We're going.
Cameron: Are you sure?
Mitchell: I'm gonna need a little time to adjust, but we... we are going. Are you okay with that?
Lily: Totally. I'll reinvent myself. I'm gonna dye my hair blue and carry around an emotional support pig.
Cameron: Aww! I kn... I know just the pig!

Mitchell: Cam, well, call the college.
Cameron: Okay! I just want this to be the right thing. If... If this ends up hurting the family, I would never forgive myself.
Mitchell: No, no. We're stronger than that, okay? We're gonna be fine.
Cameron: [voice breaking] Yeah.
[ "Endless Love" plays]
Mitchell: Not... Not now, Lily.
Lily: You guys are gonna end up singing. Just get to it.
Mitchell: Excuse me, young lady. We're... We're having a-a serious conversation here, okay? Do not reduce us to a couple stereotypical... [sings] My love There's only you in my li-life The only thing that's bright [talks] Now you.
Cameron: Why do I always have to sing the female part? [high-pitched singing] My first love You're every breath that I take
Lily: I didn't think this through.

Lily: I said I wasn't gonna cry.
Manny: And you're not.
Lily: Yeah. It's called strength.

Gloria: The dashboard is going crazy.
Haley: It's a flat tire. Perfect.
Lily: I wouldn't know about "flat."

Lily: This is crazy. Yes, this is crazy.
Mitchell: Who cares if I like football? Daddy likes football, and I like daddy, so... I need to tell him. I need to tell him I'm gonna be more supportive, and I need to- Oh, honey, are you calling him for me?
Lily: [on the phone, holding the card from a gift basket] Yes, I have a complaint. Can I please talk to Harry or David?

Lily: I'm bored.
Cameron: I know, sweetie, but daddies are talking about what we're gonna wear tonight, and that's a difficult conversation.
Lily: Cry me a river.
Mitchell: Lily. I-I'm not loving this attitude. You seem a little mean.
Lily: Sorry. Should I call you a wah-mbulance?

Mitchell: Okay, hey, hey, I have a fun idea! Why don't we give Lily one of her presents right now?
Cameron: Ooh, that is a fun idea, daddy. Then she can go play with a toy rather than being with us boring, old adults. How's that sound, Lily?
Lily: I feel like you're up to something, but I don't care. I want a present. I'll take the bike-shaped one. Nice wrapping job, by the way.
Mitchell: Uh, wasn't that for Joe?
Cameron: Well, Joe's getting a doll now.

Lily: If it makes you feel any better, I didn't do anything, either.
Mitchell: No, that doesn't make me feel better. You're supposed to be learning from this.
Lily: I learned a new swear word.
Cameron: Uh, um, I got a splinter. It was worth it.

Cameron: Hey, Lily, the library is saying that "Stripey the Zebracorn" is two months overdue? What what's that about?
Lily: We have a new librarian, and she's a little... She's been drunk e-mailing a lot.
Cameron: Oh, that poor thing.
Mitchell: Lily, go find that book. And the fine's coming out of your allowance.

Cameron: Oh, Lily, what a beautiful ornament! That's gonna make a little kid very happy.
Lily: Wait. I don't get to keep this? Why am I killing myself?