‘Kiss and Tell’
Season 10, Episode 2 - Aired October 3, 2018
When Haley turns to Mitchell and Cameron for advice on whether she needs to tell Arvin that she kissed Dylan, she sets off an argument in their marriage and makes Claire wonder why her daughter won't turn to her for help. Phil decides to turn the tables on Jay and his constant stream of put downs by "Mean Girls"-ing him. Meanwhile, Gloria starts to suspect Manny's Canadian girlfriend isn't real.
Quote from Haley
Phil: I'm sorry, but kissing someone outside of a relationship is a big deal and you should fess up right away.
Haley: You told them?!
Claire: Yes! Yes, they told us everything, and I can't believe you did that!
Haley: Well, I'm sorry, but Dylan was a huge part of my life...
Claire: You kissed Dylan?! That's your secret?
Haley: [gasps] You tricked me!
Quote from Haley
Haley: [on video chat] Uh, listen, um, we have to talk. I love you, and this is really hard for me to say, but, I, um... I did something stupid. I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, I swear, and I'm hoping you'll forgive me, and we can forget this ever happened.
Arvin: Sorry, love, you froze up. I-I-I missed the... the whole thing.
Haley: Oh, that sucks. Um... This is really hard for me, but I did something stupid. I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, and I...
Arvin: Sorry, froze up again in the funniest position. You look like you'd smelled something dreadful. Have another go.
Haley: Okay. I messed up, and I kiss...
Arvin: Wait! Okay, go.
Haley: I kissed my ex-boyfriend! Damn it, stop freezing!
Arvin: Not frozen. Shocked. Very hurt, actually.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Oh, come here, honey. I'm... I'm so sorry, and I know why you didn't come to me. I haven't always been Dylan's biggest fan.
Haley: You pushed him into a beehive.
Claire: You know, to be fair, I pushed him off of you, and he fell into the beehive, but, regardless, I want to be supportive. No judgment. I promise. I promise.
Quote from Alex
Luke: Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin.
Alex: [chuckles] Please, I'm dating a fireman. I'm having hotter sex than... [sees Phil, backs away]
Quote from Mitchell
Claire: Dad, we love you, but you don't know what medium-rare is.
Mitchell: I've... I've given you a meat thermometer for three Father's Days in a row. For the love of God, just use one!
Quote from Jay
Jay: Fine. See if I care. But I don't know what you have against me today. Kicking a man off his own grill, making fun of my Mint Jay-leps.
Gloria: You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps? He did them for you.
Phil: What?
Jay: I don't know what she's talking about.
Gloria: The minute Jay created the Jay-leps, all he could keep saying was, "Phil's gonna get such a kick out of this."
Jay: But he didn't! He said it was dumb! He said it was an old lady's drink!
Phil: Since when do you care what I think?
Gloria: Always! He thinks that you're the life of the party. He wants to be more like you.
Jay: All I've said is that sometimes I envy people who don't mind being an ass because they're having fun, and I guess... you're one of those people.
Quote from Haley
Haley: [aside to camera] Why is it so hard to be honest in relationships? We play games. We keep secrets. When all we want to do is connect. I guess we have to start with being honest with ourselves. And if I'm being honest, I love two people. [chuckles] Damn it!