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It's the Great Pumpkin, Phil Dunphy

‘It's the Great Pumpkin, Phil Dunphy’

Season 9, Episode 5 -  Aired October 25, 2017

Phil and Claire want to go all out in celebrating Halloween, but it seems nobody else shares their enthusiasm. Mitchell and Cameron are frustrated by how long it's taking Jay to finish their kitchen, while Gloria and Joe are getting a little tired of their house guests.

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: I was going to make Joe's oatmeal. Do you really have to use all five burners?
Cameron: Well, it is called Five Burner Meat Pie, and it's the traditional dish back at the Halloween festival, so it kinda makes me feel like I'm there.

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Quote from Jay

Jay: I'm heading back to the job site. Gonna let the guys knock off for a little liqu-or-treating.
Cameron: Well, that is how you manage... to stretch a job until Christmas. Okay, you need to go over there, find out how long this is gonna take. I want my kitchen back.
Mitchell: Okay, uh, Dad? W- We appreciate all your hard work, but we're running a little past schedule.
Jay: The job is done when the job is done. You want it faster, next time, burn down a bookshelf.

Quote from Joe

Joe: My breakfast is a LUNA Bar for women. Do something.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Okay, okay. This is why everyone hates college graduates. I will walk out that door, but at least show me enough respect to admit that this decision had nothing to do with talent. Because everyone knows that I was the best.
Woman: Well, that took a lot of guts. Come with me. Let's take a second look at your audition.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Oh, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Uh, Dad? Uh, I would like to see the kitchen.
Jay: I'd like to think that drinking beer makes my hair grow back, but life ain't fair.

Quote from Phil

Carol: Well, I appreciate the understanding, but I'm trying to teach them a lesson.
Phil: Oh, I'm gonna teach them a lesson, 'cause it's payback time. Pranks wars have begun. [kids cheer]
Phil: Yes! [laughs]
Carol: Okay, kids. I think Mr. Dunphy has better things to do than spend his day in a prank war with you.
Phil: Good news, boys. I don't.

Quote from Joe

Gloria: You saw that, didn't you?
Joe: [dressed as God] I see everything.

Quote from Mitchell

Fireman: Mr. Pritchett, this is the second time in two months. We love that you're a fan, but maybe you should just buy a calendar.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I'm sorry, Mitch. I feel really bad.
Mitchell: Do you think maybe you could tell Cam?
Jay: Oh, I don't work here anymore.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Phil, I command you to stop speaking like that.
Phil: Please let me have my feelings for one second.
Claire: No, come on, turn around. Seriously. It's good.
Phil: Wonder Woman?
Claire: Yes! And I have plans for you! Who cares what anybody thinks? Screw the kids. Screw everybody at work. We'll give up Halloween when we are good and ready.
Boy: Who are you guys supposed to be?
Claire: Who your parents wish they were.

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