‘I Don't Know How She Does It’
Season 7, Episode 15 - Aired March 2, 2016
Phil is frustrated as he struggles to keep up with "super mom" Claire who is seemingly on top of everything at home and in the workplace. A sleep-deprived Jay and Gloria struggle to keep things together as Joe goes through a fussy phase. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron wonder why they're being snubbed when they attend their friends' wedding.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Is that my computer?!
Manny: Don't open that!
Jay: Don't open that!
Manny: Is that Joe's plane?
Gloria: Don't open that!
Luke: A lot of unanswered questions here, it seems like.
Gloria: Why don't we all just take a step back?
Jay: Nice and easy.
Gloria: Okay, so now I am going to go and take a little walk.
Manny: Luke and I have some homework to do upstairs.
Jay: And I'm going to the little boy's room.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: They have taken pictures at every table but ours.
Mitchell: Because their photographer isn't Diane Arbus. Who else would want a record of this fever dream?
Quote from Lily
Mitchell: Come on, Lily. Let's go dance.
Lily: No! No dancing. It's too embarrassing.
Cameron: No. You're a good dancer, sweetie.
Lily: Not me. You two.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: You don't like our dancing? Why?
[aside to camera:]
Lily: Why?!
Quote from Lily
Lily: You're not good. That's why I hate weddings.
Mitchell: Wait, Lily, did you RSVP to some weddings and not tell us?
Lily: Yes. Punish me, ground me. I just can't watch it again.
Mitchell: Oh, you're gonna be punished.
Cameron: Mitchell, wait. I know how she feels. Did we really embarrass you that bad?
Lily: Well, yeah. I mean, I still love you, but- Why are your shoulders moving?
Cameron: Well, we always knew there would be something you didn't like about us.
Mitchell: We're just glad that it's something we're so good at. [both start dancing]
Lily: [to Asian-American family] If anybody asks, I'm with you.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Ben, what are you still doing here?
Ben: I'm just making sandwiches for the kids. Don't worry. They'll never know. I'm using store-brand Gouda and this domestic mustard.
Claire: No, you don't understand. My husband could be home any minute. You've got to leave.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Ben, we got to stop doing this.
Ben: No, it's fine. I just said what you would have said.
Claire: But I didn't say anything. I-I wasn't there for my daughter at all. I-I'm so damn busy trying to be the perfect mom and- And the perfect boss, but I'm outsourcing the one job that means the most to me, and I really miss it. I miss being a mom. Even if I'm a so-so mom that barely has time to make a soggy tuna-fish sandwich, I... [sighs]
Quote from Alex
Luke: So, before you open this, I just want to say this is not the kind of thing I'm usually in to.
Alex: Let's not.
Manny: It's all him, by the way.
Alex: No kidding. [sighs] Oh, don't show it to me! Oh! [exhales] Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. CTRL-Alt-Ew. Oh, God. Please, tell me it worked.
Manny: It worked.
Alex: Just so you know, women are not all vacuous nymphomaniacs looking to seduce every man that crosses their path. [to Joe] Bye, you dirty little boy!
Manny: Kind of a mixed message, right?
Luke: I'll talk to her.