‘Halloween’
Season 2, Episode 6 - Aired October 27, 2010
Claire is counting on the whole family to make the perfect haunted house for Halloween, but they're all distracted by their own problems: Cameron is scarred by a traumatic Halloween experience, Mitchell got caught in a sticky situation at work, and Gloria is upset because Jay teased by her about her accent.
Quote from Claire
Phil: [aside to camera] We love Halloween, especially Claire.
Claire: It's my favorite holiday. Ever since I was a kid, I loved scary things. If there was a new horror movie in town I was the first in line. [holding up her stump] One, please. Then I met Phil.
Phil: [with his fake hand] Two, please.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: [aside to camera] I'm already the new guy. I don't want to be the non-participation guy too.
Cameron: Not on my watch. Unfortunately, Halloween was marred for me personally by an incident long ago. Now it's just a day I have to get through.
Mitchell: So you said.
Quote from Claire
Haley: Check it. I'm a scary black cat.
Claire: The only person that costume scares is me. Go change it.
Haley: To what?
Claire: I don't know. One of your old costumes. Honey, trust me. I am sparing you an entire day of guys asking you if you have a rough tongue.
Haley: Ew.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: [answering car phone] Hola, Jay.
Jay: Where are you?
Gloria: I have Manny in the carpool, and we're going to the dropout.
Jay: Dropout? You mean that Eddie kid? Yeah, he's a moron.
Gloria: No, the dropout, where you drop the kids in the school.
Manny: She means "drop-off."
Gloria: That's what I said.
Quote from Joe
Jay: [on the phone] Listen. Did you ever do anything about costumes for Claire's thing tonight?
Gloria: I'm going to pick them up this afternoon. You're going to be a gargle and I'm going to be an evil village bruja.
Jay: I know less now than I did before I asked.
Gloria: Hmm. A bruja is a witch, and a gargle is a gargle.
Manny: She means "gargoyle."
Gloria: That's what I said.
Jay: As long as you got it covered because if Claire doesn't get her Halloween she turns into a real rhymes with bruja.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: [answering phone] Hello?
Mitchell: There are exactly three people in costume here a tool, a douche and me and I don't have time to go home and change.
Cameron: Calm down. Did you bring in the dry cleaning from last night?
Mitchell: Are you really getting on me about the dry clean- Oh, I have suits in the trunk.
Cameron: Look at that. Yesterday's lazy cures today's crazy.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Wait'll you see what we got planned for tonight. Claire and I are goin' as Corpse Bride and groom. As if there's any other kind.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: [aside to camera] Every time I tried to get out of that costume I got dragged into another meeting. It was the worst Halloween ever.
Cameron: Really, Mitchell? The worst Halloween ever? You had squeaky thighs. [sobbing] I lost a childhood.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Jay! This came for you.
Jay: Oh, hi, honey. What is it?
Gloria: I called your secretary and told her to order you some crackers and those cheeses that you like. The tiny little ones.
Jay: Thanks. Did you pick up my gargle costume too?
Gloria: Are you making fun of me?
Jay: No.
Gloria: First Manny correcting me, and now you? If I have a problem, I want to know, Jay.
Quote from Claire
Claire: What the hell is that?
Haley: What? You told me to put on an old costume.
Claire: Not from when you were eight. Are you trying to get candy or Japanese businessmen? Change it.