‘Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook’
Season 8, Episode 5 - Aired October 26, 2016
Phil and Claire are worried when Luke throws a Halloween party at home, but their concern is that the party is going to be a total bust. Phil tries to pump things up at the party as "Rod Skyhook". Mitchell thinks Cameron is taking Batman's thirst for justice a little too far as he searches for the Darth Vader kid who took too much candy. Meanwhile, Jay gets Manny to play a prank on his old nemesis Earl Chambers when Manny attends his grand daughter's party.
Quote from Manny
Girl: Did you say Dumbo?
Manny: No, Trumbo. Little background. In the 1950s, a certain senator from Wisconsin named Joe McCarthy...
Quote from Gloria
Manny: Mom?
Gloria: You said that you were going to Luke's.
Manny: Yeah, but Jay said-
Jay: [booming voice] Don't you say a word, mister! I will deal with you later.
Manny: Jay said I could come to the party if I put dead fish in Earl's shoes.
Jay: Where does he come up with this stuff?
Gloria: Are you lying, dressed as our Lord and Savior? What is that? Did you steal that?
Jay: No. I've had this with me all night.
Gloria: You're lying again! Manny, don't stand next to him!
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: As soon as they stop fighting about whatever stupid new thing that they're fighting about, we're getting the car and we're going to Luke's.
Manny: I'm not really in the mood for another party.
Gloria: Well, I wasn't in the mood to insult God tonight, but the Bible also said, "Listen to your husband." I'm very tense about this, so don't fight me! And get in the car.
Manny: I won't fit in.
Gloria: We'll take this bathtub and put it in the roof.
Manny: No. I won't fit in at the party. Nobody gets me, Mom, and I'm starting to worry nobody ever will.
Gloria: Who cares that the kids your age don't get you? That means that you're more interesting than them. That means that you're gonna be hanging out around people that are more interesting. You're gonna have a more inter-
Manny: Interesting life. Yes, I know. I've been hearing this speech since I was 5. When's it gonna happen?
Gloria: Jesus has the devil in a headlock. That's not interesting to you?
Quote from Jay
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I saw my reflection and I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" It's time to be the bigger man.
[flashback:]
Jay: I don't want to do this anymore.
Earl Chambers: Wh- What are you saying?
Jay: This has gone on too long. The lies, the anger. And what I left in your sock drawer tonight.
Earl Chambers: What?
Jay: Keep the picture, Earl. I forgive you.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: It's gonna drive that son of a bitch crazy.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Sarah?
Sarah: Mrs. Dunphy.
Claire: Is that a beer?
Sarah: It's not mine. Please don't tell my parents.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: That's when I realized I didn't need Haley to undermine a party. I just needed to drop the Mom-bomb.
Quote from Claire
Father: Look, buddy. I don't know who egged you, but I can understand why. A kid takes a little extra candy and you chased him home? He's 9. How old are you, Batman? 50?
Cameron: [gasps]
Father: What kind of person does that?
Mitchell: I will- I will tell you what kind of person. Someone who believes in a civilized society, who believes that the future of our country depends on the lessons that we teach our children. "What kind of person," sir? A hero.
Boy: I didn't do it!
Mitchell: Oh, come on. We heard you laughing!
Boy: 'Cause the blonde lady with an Axe in her head threw an egg at you.
Mitchell: Blonde lady?
Cameron: Axe?
[aside to camera:]
Claire: That squirting flower really yanked my chain. Could not go unanswered.
Quote from Alex
Alex: Is it just my imagination, or is Dad actually saving your lame party?
Luke: Is it just my imagination, or is Reuben's makeup on your chin?
Alex: I have a problem.
Quote from Manny
Dorothy Parker: I'm so sorry.
Manny: Don't be. This is the most a girl's danced with me all night.
Dorothy Parker: I love your Dalton Trumbo.
Manny: Thank you, Dorothy Parker.
Dorothy Parker: You're the first person tonight who's actually gotten that.
Manny: I know how that feels.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Yo, yo, yo! Awesome rager on the ground floor! Upstairs off-limits! Backyard, too, 'cause it just got re-sodded! What's up, buddy?
Dorothy Parker: [scoffs] Typical high-school idiot.
Manny: I fear for this country.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Hey, gorgeous! Look what I turned this water into.
Gloria: Jay, enough. Halloween is over.
Jay: Come on. The night is young. Why don't we go begat it on?
Gloria: I'm not going to fool around with someone dressed like Jesus.
Jay: Gloria, you're being silly.
Gloria: Am I? I once dated a guy named Jesús. There was no harvest that year.
Jay: Is that the same year your uncle got drunk and planted marbles?
Gloria: Who do you think made him do that?
Jay: Gloria, all due respect, I think the big guy has better things to worry about than two sexy, you know... [light bulb blows] I'm gonna change into something a little more secular.
Gloria: [prays in Spanish]