Frank Dunphy Quotes Page 3 of 5
Quote from Ringmaster Keifth
Claire: So good to see you! How was the drive?
Frank: Fantastic. My radio broke around Tallahassee. But is there a better entertainment source than the billboards of America? Apparently, syphilis is making a comeback.
Quote from Ringmaster Keifth
Phil: So, uh, place looks great.
Frank: Yeah, Lorraine really spruced it up. Curtains, brass safety rails over the privy. That was really a lifesaver. She stopped short on the I-90 once. I came rolling out of there like a Chinese acrobat.
Quote from Legacy
Phil: See, you should point this thing west and, uh, come meet your great-grandbabies.
Frank: Uh, this spring, I think. I want to pose them to re-create famous photos from history. I've got all the outfits, uh, to re-create the VJ-Day kiss, but I still need the fedora to pull off Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald.
Phil: Careful.
Frank: Well, obviously, the gun won't be loaded.
Phil: No, no, no. There's a pothole.
Quote from Legacy
Phil: Hop on up there, young man.
Frank: If I'm not mistaken, you saw your first naked lady in this barbershop.
Phil: You know it.
Frank: [chuckles] Hell of a crossing guard, but when she went crazy, she didn't go halfway.
Phil: Well, that was her training.
Quote from Legacy
Phil: So, Dad, um... just gonna get this over with. Uh...
Frank: Oh, boy. Is this gonna be about me going back to the grocery store?
Phil: Well, it... it just seemed a little weird. I heard you were there for hours.
Frank: The place was a mess. I mean, where is the pride? Old days, they used to deliver my oranges on Tuesdays. I could not have built a pyramid faster with 10,000 Hebrews.
Phil: So, you weren't just wandering?
Frank: It's just... I miss it, is all.
Quote from Legacy
Phil: You ready to launch?
Frank: Let's do it.
Phil: Steady as she goes, and she's up! It's working! You did it! It's... Why is it still going?
Frank: How hard did you press start?
Phil: Well, that shouldn't matter!
Frank: Well, just press "end task."
Phil: Okay.
Frank: But only on the right side of the button.
Phil: Why wouldn't you tell me that first?! [car bounces off and flips over] Sweet maker!
Frank: Hmm. Everybody warned me this would happen.
Quote from Frank's Wedding
Frank: Well, look, it's Pretty Boy Dunphy.
Phil: Looking good yourself, Pops. How, uh... how you doing?
Frank: Well, I got my rings, got my vows. Now all I need is a way to escape. Please, someone help. [laughs] I'm kidding, of course. Actually, I'm really looking forward to being married.
Phil: Then- Then what's with the getaway bag?
Frank: Oh, I got to ask you to help me out with what I think is a doozy of a surprise. Come here. Get this. Mid-ceremony, you know, when you ask if anyone has any objections?
Phil: Yeah?
Frank: I'm gonna pull out a Tommy gun and tell you to skip that part.
Phil: Sweet maple syrup. I like it.
Frank: I'm just getting warmed up. I got a script, prop guns, exploding paint capsules. I even hired a few of the local theater people to help out.
Phil: And, uh, and Lorraine's cool with all this?
Frank: That's the beauty part. She doesn't know a thing about it 80% of comedy is surprise. The other 20% is wordplay.
Quote from Undeck the Halls
Phil: [on video chat] Where's Mom?
Frank Dunphy: Mom is sinking fast.
Phil: Uh-oh.
Frank Dunphy: She's in the bathtub. Get it?
Phil: They have that claw-foot.
Quote from Travels with Scout
Frank Dunphy: Your mother-in-law just had to have the dog. Turns out she's allergic.
Claire: And the pet store didn't have a grace period or a return policy or anything?
Frank Dunphy: I got him from the pound.
Phil: [entering] Was there a twister in Kansas? 'Cause there's a house in my driveway.
Frank Dunphy: Welcome home, Mr. Dunphy.
Phil: Uh, always a pleasure, Mr. Dunphy.
Frank Dunphy: Indeed it is, Mr. Dunphy. Place it there.
Phil: Oh, I shall. I shall.
Quote from Travels with Scout
Phil: Oy. This must be Scout, huh?
Frank Dunphy: I should warn you. He sheds. I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me on the road. Now my sheets look like two bigfoots did it. [to Claire] Pardon the language.
Phil: How's Mom?
Frank Dunphy: Speaking of big feet, eh? She's on a cruise with her girlfriends, some of which are not totally unattractive.