Phil: No, Dad. You're being too nice. This is your bachelor party, not yours! You're ruining this whole night.
Ray: You ruined it when you planned it. And get that finger out of my face.
Phil: Nobody hijacks my dad's party, and nobody tells me where to put my finger. Boop!

Phil: So much is changing, Dad. I guess I'm kind of afraid that this is the end of an era. Now I have to share you with Lorraine, with that.
Frank: You're not losing me. As a matter of fact, you're gonna be seeing a lot more of me. Lorraine and I have been kind of kicking around the idea of moving to California.
Phil: To be closer to me?
Frank: Yes. And to be farther from Ray.

Mitchell: Wait w-wait wait a minute. You go missing, then you mysteriously hurt your hand, and t- Okay, okay there is lipstick in this mask, and it is it is the same shade as the lipstick on your beer. [gasps] You're Fizbo?
Cameron: You wear lipstick?
Mitchell: But you're on our team.
Cameron: Why would you do this?
Louise: Because you bug me.
Cameron: That's it?
Louise: You picked the team name, you designed the shirts, you take all the credit. Everything's about you.
Mitchell: You messed with his head so he'd lose us the team championship. Yeah, opening the door for for you to be captain.
Louise: I should be captain.
Cameron: Give me my Fizbo.

Martin: Hello, fruit of your father's loins.
Mitchell: "Mitchell's" fine.
Martin: You know, speaking of Jay-
Mitchell: You brought him up.
Martin: Well, your father and I had a moment, a couple of years ago when he was pretending to be gay so that he could bowl in our league. I know he said it was all an act, but what I felt from him, it was just so very real.
Mitchell: Okay, Martin, I hate to break this to you, but my dad is potentially the straightest man on the planet.
Martin: Yeah, but that not withstanding, do you think maybe you could give me his phone number? It's just always felt like unfinished business to me. I am not giving you his phone number.
Martin: I'll give you my trophy.
Mitchell: It's 3-1-0...