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Farm Strong

‘Farm Strong’

Season 5, Episode 4 - Aired October 9, 2013

When Cameron's older, single sister Pam visits, he decides to keep the news of his and Mitchell's engagement secret. Phil and Claire decide to skip Luke's soccer game so they can get some household chores done. Meanwhile, Jay thinks Gloria is in denial about needing reading glasses, on the 100th episode of Modern Family.

Quote from Cameron

Pam: I want my baby brother to be happy. And as long as we're sharing, I have some news. You remember Bo Johnson?
Cameron: Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh! He was my first crush. Please tell me nothing happened to his face. What did he fall into?
Pam: He fell into me. We're engaged!

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Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament because I had a ton of errands I figured would take me all day to finish. But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list. I ended up in every short line. I made every green light. It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap. Because suddenly I had no more errands, which meant no more excuses, which meant me at that boring soccer tournament.

Quote from Haley

Alex: Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating.
Haley: On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?
Alex: No, not on Gloria, on this game. I've never lost it to anyone.
Haley: Keep playing word games with Grandpa, and you never will.

Quote from Phil

Phil: It's a gutter cleaner. Ladies, I give you the future. How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? Now that's gonna happen less.
Haley: Looks like your, uh, gutter cleaner is stuck on something.
Phil: Not a problem. This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power. That's why I've nicknamed it "The gutter done".
Haley: Stop!
Alex: Dad!
Phil: Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity.

Quote from Phil

Alex: It's a bird's nest!
Phil: No!
Haley: And they're all dead!
Alex: Oh, my God!
Haley: You killed them!
Phil: Honey, it wasn't me! It was the robot! It doesn't know! [bird squawks] I'm sorry!

Quote from Jay

Manny: Mom! Mom! Help!
Gloria: What?! What happened?!
Jay: I just ate a handful of this rat poison.
Gloria: Why?!
Jay: I thought it was trail mix. Why do I keep it so close together?
Manny: I'll call 911!
Jay: Here, read the box! Tell me what it says to do! Hurry!
Gloria: It says-
Jay: I don't have much time!
Gloria: In the...
Jay: And I'm dead.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses.
Manny: Wow, Mom.
Gloria: It's not poison?
Jay: Oh, there's rat poison, and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix, but this was to point out that your vanity could be fatal.
Gloria: I knew this was all a trick. That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box!
Jay: How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: It just doesn't make any sense. Pam and Bo Johnson? My Bo Johnson?
Mitchell: "My"? Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush?
Cameron: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Bo is straight. He'd probably never go for me.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [on the phone, affecting a less camp persona] Hey, dude. It's Cam. Where? Been good. Been real, real good. So, you and Pam, huh? Hey, better be good to my old sis, or I'll have to wrestle you down. Hey, question. Do you still have that friendship bracelet that I made for you? Oh, okay. Yeah, okay, if you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back. Hey, and, Bo, congratulations. You too. [hangs up] Can you believe it?
Mitchell: Oh, and we're gay again.

Quote from Cameron

Pam: They warned me, you know.
Cameron: Who warned you?
Pam: The whole family said you wouldn't take it well. Ever since you moved to the city 'cause you couldn't hack it on the farm.
Cameron: "Couldn't hack it"?
Pam: Yeah, that's right. Everyone knows, Cam, you're not farm strong.
Cameron: You take that back, Pameron Jessica Tucker!
Pam: I will not! You are weak and weepy. That's why we can't ever say anything to you 'cause we know you'll crumble into a big heaping mess!
Cameron: Oh, are you saying I'm the one people have to step around? That I'm the Pam of the family?
Pam: You mean the Cam of the family?! 'Cause that's what we all call it!

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