Phil: Listen. Uh... Arvin's here. He flew back from Switzerland to surprise Haley.
Dylan: Wow. I'm up against another grand gesture. What's he dressed as?
Phil: Nothing. Just... Just himself.
Dylan: [chuckles] I like my chances.

Haley: I had no idea Arvin was going to be here but can we please do this another time?
Dylan: I won't have the costume another time, Haley.
Arvin: So, this is the doll you slept with.
Dylan: Hey, you're pretty handsome yourself.

Arvin: So many questions. First, why have you snuck 'round to see the bloke you supposedly feel terrible about kissing?
Dylan: Yo, I hope this doesn't sound braggy, but for the most part, people do not feel terrible about kissing me.

Arvin: Listen to me, my simple friend. I just spent hours in a middle seat. I suggest you get out of my space.
Dylan: Well, I suggest, next time, you ask about an exit row. It could still be a middle seat, but you'd have more leg room.

Dylan: Look. I know you want to prove that we're mature adults, but look at this line. We are the young people here. Whereas...
Haley: At the carnival, we'd be, like, the oldest people there?
Dylan: May I remind you what they said to us last time when they escorted us out of the ball pit?
Haley: "Excuse me, but this attraction isn't really for..."
Dylan: "Adults."
Haley: Aha.
Dylan: M'lady.
Haley: M'Dylan.

Dylan: Why aren't you talking, are you mad at me?
Haley: No! I'm freaked because I just found out that I'm pregnant. And yes, I am a little mad at you, because this is serious, and the only thing that you can think about is combining our names into the perfect baby name.
Dylan: Well, now we know it's either Hayden or Dyley.

Dylan: Look, this is a beautiful thing. A product of our love. It is a product of our love, right?
Haley: Yes, Dylan. I did the math.
Dylan: Last time you did the math we accidentally left a $300 tip.

Haley: How am I gonna tell my mom? This is the one thing she always told me not to do, and you're the person she told me not to do it with.
Dylan: Yeah, she really nailed that one. I hope our baby gets her brain.

Alex: Please tell me you told Mom and Dad.
Dylan: No, but we're gonna tell them in song. Listen to this part. [playing guitar, singing loudly] ♪ Soon a baby as cute as us ♪ ♪ Will spring forth from Haley's uterus ♪

Haley: Ta-da!
Dylan: Welcome to 14 and 7/8ths Fletcher Ave.