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‘Diamond in the Rough’ Quotes   Page 2 of 5    

Modern Family: Diamond in the Rough

410. Diamond in the Rough

Aired December 12, 2012

As Claire and Cameron work together to make a baseball field for Manny and Luke's team, they have the idea of teaming up to try and flip a house. Mitchell and Phil want to put a stop to that idea, although Phil is reluctant to be seen as the bad guy. Meanwhile, Gloria uses a microphone to talk to her unborn child.

Quote from Luke

Claire: [aside to camera] Luke and Manny's team tied for the final spot in the playoffs, but since nobody was expecting it, all the fields were booked.
Luke: The other team wanted to settle with a coin flip. We said "Rock Paper Scissors." That's when talks broke down.
Claire: So what do you do when you can't find a field? You build one.
Luke: And we got the last laugh, 'cause guess what I found there? Rocks, paper, and scissors.


Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, I'll chalk the field with this bad boy.
Claire: And while you're doing that, I will get the bases.
Cameron: We make such a good team.
Claire: Why does your friend have a chalker?
Cameron: Oh, he used it to propose to a skywriter.

Quote from Manny

Luke: You gotta keep your eyes open.
Manny: It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face.
Luke: Will you choke up a little?
Manny: Probably when they play the national anthem.
Luke: No, move your hands up the bat. "When they play the national anthem."

Quote from Phil

Claire: What do you think, Phil?
Phil: Well, I have to admit, it's a steal.
Claire: Yes! Yes! I told you! And you said Gil Thorpe makes a killing flipping houses.
Phil: Yeah, he brags about it all the time. Every time he makes a sale, he calls himself "Flipper" and walks around making this dolphin sound. Like [imitates dolphin] How does he do it? I hate him so much.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Mitchell, I am serious. I have overseen lots of projects in our home. I oversaw the remodel of our bathroom. Under budget. Right, Phil?
Phil: Yeah. I was a little disappointed we didn't go for the butt-washing toilet, but otherwise...
Claire: You can wash your own butt for free.
Phil: Well, that's not the same, is it?

Quote from Jay

Gloria: [singing] Hush, little baby, don't say a word. Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won't sing, papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Papa'd buy ten diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut the hell up. But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster. Still, the thought of that poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end, I just couldn't take it.
Gloria: And if that billy goat won't push, papa's gonna get every le-
Jay: I'll tell you what papa's gonna do. He's gonna take a turn on that mic.
Gloria: Oh! Really?
Jay: Yeah, I've been thinking, if it's a chance to bond, I should take it.
Gloria: Ay, Jay, that's great. I think that the sound of my voice shouldn't be the only thing that the baby should hear.
Jay: Same page.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: What's really going on?
Claire: Okay. You know, over the last couple of months, I've applied for, like, five different jobs.
Cameron: I didn't know that.
Claire: No. I didn't tell anyone, because I didn't get them, Cam. I went to college, you know? And I just wanna be able to contribute to my kids' education. And I wanna be able to buy my husband a present with my own money.
Cameron: Hey, you're preaching to the choir director. It's actually why I became a choir director.
Claire: You became a part-time teacher in a public school for money?
Cameron: I make more than you do. I mean, before parking. But...

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [answers phone while stroking a cat] Well, hello, Phil. To what do I owe this pleasure?
Phil: Cut the crap. You wanna play chicken? Chicken's my middle name.
Mitchell: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just being supportive of my partner and my sister, both of whom I love very much.
Phil: How do you sleep at night?
Mitchell: Soundly, knowing you'll do the right thing. So how about it, Phil? You gonna stop this train? 'Cause these brakes are out. Oh. And I suggest you lose this number.

Quote from Jay

Manny: What are you doing? Do you really want your unborn baby to hear you fighting like this? Studies show it's unhealthy for a fetus to be exposed to a stressful environment.
Jay: Studies? You're 13. Read a comic book.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: How dare do you tell me that I am-
Jay: Ah, no, no, no, no. No fighting in front of the baby. We just made a deal.
Gloria: Yeah, but that's not fair because I am always in front of the baby!
Jay: Gloria, you're as close to perfect as woman gets. Nothing wrong with one tiny, little flaw. Yours is when you start to sing, is sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner.
Gloria: That's- You're just--
Jay: Ah, no, no, no.
Gloria: [happily] That is just your stupid, stupid opinion, Jay. But I am very angry at you, and I am gonna make a list of all the things that I am going to scream at you as soon as this baby's out of me.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I didn't think it all the way through.

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