Principal: You said some pretty harsh things to Mrs. Barrish.
Jay: In my defense, um, this banquet she's planning is not historically accurate. For example, I don't remember a tandoori chicken option at the first Thanksgiving.
Principal: We have children here from many ethnicities, and we try to make them all feel included.
Jay: Be that as it may, history does not record Pocahontas asking John Smith to pass the sashimi roll while Myles Standish helps himself to gluten-free huevos rancheros!
[aside to camera:]
Jay: After that, it got heated, and we got expelled.
Joe: "We"?
Jay: But they'll call. They need my check.