Phil: Guess what? I've been in your house when you weren't home. And yours. And yours. No, I'm not a burglar. I'm a realtor.
Gil Thorpe: Ho! Hey, sorry I'm late! I just sold another mansion. How you doin', honey?
[aside to camera:]
Phil: History is full of great rivalries: Athens and Sparta, Kerrigan and Harding, Phil Dunphy and Gil Thorpe. In this scenario, he's the Tonya, I'm the Nancy.