Phil: I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert. I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean, um... I mean with their wives. Not me, them. Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing. But it's too late. I am standing, and I'm obviously talking, and now you're looking at me, and I feel the need to keep going. First of all, no charges were filed. Everyone had a good laugh -about the situation, not- not about me. Everything's fine down there. Anywhoo, Where were we?
[aside to camera:]
Claire: All over YouTube. We went viral.
Phil: Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.