Joe: Are you Daniel Boone?
Boy: Who's asking?
Joe: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I just came to see Kentucky, the fifth-largest tobacco producer and the third-largest coal producer in the country.
Gloria: I feel like I am there.
Jay: The only thing more painful than children's theater is what's going on with my back right now.
Gloria: Why can't you take the pills that the doctor gave you so that you can enjoy your son's tour de force?
Jay: I just need a little stretch. Doctors give you pills for everything today.