Gloria: Listen, I would be the first person to understand that you're having second thoughts about marrying Javier.
Trish: I am, but I do love him.
Gloria: Of course you do, even though he's irresponsible and impulsive, and if your sisters are even a little bit pretty, he's gonna try-
Trish: No, no, no, no, no. It's not that.
Gloria: Is it the drinking? Is it the gambling? Is it because of your fat fingers?
Trish: No, it's you.
Gloria: Me?
Trish: How can I compete with you? All Manny talks about is how he's got the world's greatest mom. And I know Javier regrets losing you.
Gloria: No, he doesn't.
Trish: Oh, believe me, he does. And who could blame him? I mean, look at you! Who has a body like that?! And you just had a baby two months ago? I mean, what- Do you just live at the gym?
Gloria: Who has time for the gym?
Trish: Oh! You know what I had for lunch?! I had a half a granola bar, and I can't button my pants! I can't cook! And at best, I am average in bed! And I will never, ever, ever live up to the great Gloria!
Gloria: Welcome to the family!