Gloria: Alex, why don't you come shopping with me? Maybe I can help you find something that you like.
Claire: That's a really nice offer, but it's not really her thing.
Alex: Actually, I'd love to go. See, you don't know what my thing is. You have no idea what my thing is.
Claire: I know what your thing is. Your thing is to provoke. Just like your sister's thing Is to never come out of her room. And your brother's thing- Oh, well, there's your brother's thing. Luke! Put 'em on! Mm-hmm.

Cameron: Oh, hey. I got the toothpaste and the soap.
Mitchell: Good. Now we can open that general store. I thought we were just here to get diapers.
Cameron: We had a saying on the farm. As long as you're bringing the mule to the market, you- I feel you rolling your eyes at me.

Cameron: [aside to camera] We met at one of pepper's legendary game nights. I remember Mitchell because he kept rolling his eyes every time I would get a little boisterous.
Mitchell: I did not!
Cameron: A little bit.
Mitchell: Yeah, maybe a little bit. We were- We were playing charades, and I-I had no idea how to act out my clue, and all I could think of to do was- [holds hands up like he's playing a piano] And without missing a beat, Cam says-
Cameron: "Casablanca."
Mitchell: All I did was this- [again]
Cameron: "Casablanca." [Mitchell does it again] "Casablanca."

Phil: I should get one of those. I've always loved planes. You know, if things had gone a little differently in my life, I think I would have been a pilot. Hey, what would happen if you turned the remote off and then back on real fast?
Jay: Yeah, you would have been a great pilot.

Phil: You drove the plane into my face.
Jay: You must have moved. I told you to stay still.
Phil: I didn't move!
Jay: Try not to talk. I want to make sure nothing's broken. [inspecting the plane]

Mitchell: Cameron, guess what I found. Coffins. They sell baby formula, and they sell coffins. You can literally buy everything you need from birth to death.

Mitchell: I'm in the applesauce aisle!

Mitchell: [aside to camera] So, anyways, after charades, we went out for coffee, and I learned that he loves art, he plays the piano, he speaks French.
Cameron: Un peu.
Mitchell: So, you know, I-I misjudged him.
Cameron: Yeah, I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.
Mitchell: Yeah, and I'm kind of more like that, um... Oh, what is the name of that little shop we went to in Paris?
Cameron: You are such a snob. [Mitchell does the gesture again] "Casablanca."

Gloria: No, no, no. I've answered enough of your questions. Now it's your turn to answer one.
Alex: What is it?
Gloria: Why you don't want to wear a dress?
Alex: Because I don't want to look like Haley and her stupid friends.
Gloria: I wear dresses, and I don't look like Haley.
Alex: You are Haley, just forty years older.
Gloria: Ten.
Alex: Twenty.
Gloria: Deal.

Phil: I was in a plane crash.
Claire: What happened?
Jay: We were threading the needle, and somebody moved.
Phil: No, I didn't. You did it on purpose. That's the painkiller talking. He's a little loopy.
Gloria: How bad is it?
Jay: Well, the wing is cracked, the propeller's bent, but I can-
Gloria: I meant Phil.
Phil: I was in a plane crash.