Cameron: You're not gonna want to get in that plane. Gloria had a terrible dream where you fell from a great height and died.
Jay: All right, Gus. Up, up, and away.
Cameron: No, Jay, she seemed pretty upset, and if something were to happen-
Jay: She's always dreaming about me dying. Dede did the same thing. It's typical wife stuff.

Joe: Mommy, it sounds like those raccoons are fighting again.
Lily: Fine, I'll stop.
Manny: Hey, what does he know about art? You've seen his drawings. He thinks Jay is shorter than a flower.

Phil: Honey, we don't want to give this stuff away. We like it. It's important to us.
Claire: How can it be important to you? You didn't even know it existed until I told you to go through the closet and find it.
Phil: That is beside the point! All of this stuff is packed with meaning!
Claire: Really, Phil? What does this cheap snow globe mean to you?
Phil: We got that at a gas station in Florida.
Claire: The snowman's melted.
Phil: It used to just be funny, but now it's also a poignant statement on global warming.

Jay: I don't know what I'm doing.
Cameron: Well, put it on autopilot. Put it on autopilot!
Jay: There is no autopilot. This is a lawnmower with wings.

Sanjay: If I could go back in time, which the laws of physics don't disallow, I never would have hurt you.
Alex: Well, if you believe in the multi-verse, there currently exists a bubble of space-time where you didn't.
I wish we were there.
Haley: Oh, my god. Is this geek foreplay? 'Cause I don't understand any of this.

Claire: Oh, my god. It's all our old stuff.
Alex: Ah! My first bike!
Luke: My Van Gogh project!
Haley: My first phone! Yes, I'll hold for Lizzie McGuire.

Luke: What is this meeting about? Are the ducks back? 'Cause that was weird.
Phil: They saved us.
Luke: From people thinking we're normal.

Phil: Your mom starts her new job running grandpa's closet company on Monday, and you know how she gets when there are big changes.
Claire: [o.s., British accent] Knockity-knock!
Luke: Oh, no. Not-
Phil: Mrs. Clutterworth.
Claire: Who's ready to take everything we don't want and toss it in the bin?
Haley: I am! You get her arms, I'll get her legs.

Claire: Take one of these things up to your rooms. Put everything in it you don't use.
Haley: Can't we just do this next weekend, or, like, never?
Claire: No. I am starting my new job and I want to leave things as organized as possible.
Luke: Most people just throw stuff into a closet. As president of a closet company, you should know that.

Mitchell: I'd like to toast my dad on his first day of retirement. Congratulations on 42 years in the closet... business.
Gloria: I think what I'm going to miss the most is all the closet jokes.
Manny: Traditionally on an occasion this emotionally significant, the man of the hour delivers a few well-chosen words.
Jay: I would just like to say... I'm going golfing.
Mitchell: Dad, don't forget Lily's first flute recital is on Thursday at 3:30.
Jay: I would love to be there, but I'm really swamped at wo- Hell, that snuck up on me.