Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.

Claire: [aside to camera] I was out of control growing up. There, you know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Hayley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right. I've done our job.

Haley: "Slow down your neighbors"?
Claire: No. "Slow down," talking to the speeder. Who's talking to the speeder? "Your neighbors."
Luke: It doesn't say that.
Haley: Yeah, it just says, "Slow down your neighbors."
Claire: Phil.
Phil: I know what you were going for but now all I can see is "Slow down your neighbors."
Claire: Well, you're all wrong, 'cause this is incredibly clear.

Claire: [aside to camera] The best part about taking over my dad's company: I am now a powerful white male, and I love it. I totally get now why we don't want anyone else to have what we have.

Claire: [v.o.] Soldiers talk about that moment when they shut off, when the war finally wins. For me, that moment is four days into summer vacation.

Nina: May the best child win.
Phil: Oh, she will. Consider this moment gauntleted. Is that a word?
Claire: Hold your head up like it is. Vocabulary is mostly a matter of confidence.

Claire: [aside to camera] If I say something everybody's thinking, does that make me a mean person? Or does it make me a brave person? One who is courageous enough to stand up and say something behind someone's back to a 10-year old?

Haley: It's so unfair! You told me I could go!
Claire: I told you you could go if you got a "B" on your history exam, which you didn't.
Haley: I have a learning disability. The letters jump around on the page and appear backwards.
Claire: Honey, we had you tested, like, six times. Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia.

Claire: [aside to camera] More than anything I want my girls to stop fighting and be close. I want them to share clothes and do each other's hair and gossip about boys, like I used to do with Mitchell.

Alex: I want you to go to Europe with me.
Claire: What?
Alex: Yeah. We'll have a great time cafes, museums. Plus, Europe is not safe for teenage girls. You've seen Taken. Could you imagine Dad getting that phone call?
Claire: What is his particular set of skills? Juggling?