‘Can't Elope’
Season 10, Episode 20 - Aired April 10, 2019
Haley and Dylan plan to elope before the babies are born, but when their families find out things get out of hand. Meanwhile, Jay courts an influencer to promote his doggy bed business.
Quote from Haley
Phil: I'm ordained. I can perform the ceremony.
Claire: That is such a great idea! That way, it's easy and intimate. I mean, that's what you wanted, right? So, go down to the courthouse, get your marriage license, come back here, and we'll all be waiting.
Haley: Fine. But let's go now. I'm starving, and they make a great soft pretzel at the courthouse snack shop.
Claire: How do you know that?
Haley: I can still elope.
Phil: Don't you ruin this for me.
Quote from Phil
Claire: If Dylan's bringing his grandfather, that means we have to invite Dad and Gloria, right?
Phil: I think so, yeah. But he probably won't show. Jay hates last-minute plans. He'll be like, [as Jay] "Oh, geez, why don't they just elope?"
Luke: [o.s.] Grandpa?
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Are you kidding me?!
Mitchell: I know! What do we do, a musical or the wedding?
Cameron: It's the cruelest decision anyone's ever been forced to make.
Quote from Ronaldo
Ronaldo: Hola, lovebirds.
Haley: Oh, this is a disaster.
Ronaldo: I know, but we can't pick our childhood homes. Don't worry. I can fix everything. Just take your time changing your clothes.
Haley: Oh, this is what I'm wearing.
Ronaldo: You're hilarious.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Gloria, Gloria. Do me a favor. Put some salami in my TV.
Gloria: Whatever that is a code for, the answer is no.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: [aside to camera] Dog beds are ridiculous and sad. But they're important to Jay. So I guess that loving someone means that you have to respect their idiotic, nauseating dreams.
Quote from Claire
Haley: I don't want to hear it, Mom.
Claire: Run.
Haley: What?!
Claire: Yeah. We're really sorry that this all got away from us. But all we care about is that you're happy. And you should have the wedding you want.
Phil: Your mom's right. We eloped, and I still think of it as one of the best days of my life.
Claire: It still seems like the last day we were alone.
Quote from Jay
Jay: You wanted to talk to me?
Phil: Yeah. Um... It's been bothering me the last few days that since they were gonna elope, Dylan never came to me and asked for Haley's hand in marriage.
Jay: Yeah.
Phil: Well, then it occurred to me that, since Claire and I eloped, I never officially asked you for her hand in marriage. So, uh...
Jay: So ask me.
Phil: Okay. Jay, I love your daughter very much, and I would like your...
Jay: Nope.
Phil: That's very funny. Um... But seriously, I would very much like your blessing.
Jay: Sorry. I've got several concerns. I'm not on board.
Phil: You realize this is just a-a formality. We've been married for almost years.
Jay: And the entire time, without my blessing.
Phil: Okay, how many dog beds is this gonna cost me?
Jay: Five.
Phil: Three.
Jay: Four.
Phil: Done.
Jay: Blessed!