Charlie: Look, I've made a fortune. I want to use it for some good. I need a lawyer to help me navigate. I like you.
You get me. So, in or out?
Mitchell: Wow. I just-
Cameron: [clattering] I'm very sorry.
Charlie: It's okay.
Mitchell: Um, that's a very big question. You know, I'm obviously gonna have to go talk to my- [clattering] Bull in a china shop. I'll be right back.

Jay: Listen. I don't blame you for being angry. All right? I'm used to taking charge. That's all. I should have let you coach from the get-go.
Phil: And?
Jay: I love you.
Phil: No. The barbecue.
Jay: Oh, for God's sake. I'm sure your steaks would have been delicious and not chewy.

Manny: I set a pick and then rolled towards the basket. Luke passed to me. I shot the ball and almost made it.
Gloria: Ay. I bought Lily the cutest little dress today.
Manny: And then I stole the ball from the other team, did a 360 and almost dunked it.
Gloria: That's nice. Ay. I just had the best day today with Lily. That girl's so sweet.
Manny: I have a game next Saturday. You could come.
Gloria: No, it's okay. I wouldn't want to embarrass you. I'll probably take Lily out for cupcakes. Mm-hmm.
Manny: Okay. [to Jay] Any suggestions?
Jay: I usually go with earrings.

Phil: Steaks will be ready in five minutes.
Jay: You're destroying those things.
Gloria: Ay, Jay, leave him alone.
Jay: No, I'm sorry, but that cow has suffered long enough.
Phil: Fun.

Luke: Coach wants us to practice layups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard- a curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're making it lame again.
Manny: Sorry.

Jay: A coach is supposed to ride the kids hard. Phil, help me out here.
Phil: He's a mean man.
Jay: Oh, you're such a woman.
Phil: Come to the game. You'll see. This guy's a real motherscratcher. Pardon the language, Gloria.
Claire: "Gloria"?
Phil: He better cool it, or I'm gonna introduce him to [holding his fists up] the Captain and Tennille.

Cameron: [aside to camera] Since Mitchell is between jobs, I've taken a part-time job at a greeting card store, which I love. Plus, with my discount, we're saving a fortune.
Mitchell: How is spending a ton of money on greeting cards saving us a fortune?
Cameron: It's math.
Mitchell: It's really not.
Cameron: Look it up.
Mitchell: $2.95. $2.95. $4.95.
Cameron: Forty percent off. Forty percent off. Forty percent off.

Jay: Mitchell, I got this golf buddy of mine. Great guy. Super successful. You two should talk. It could mean a job for you.
Mitchell: Oh, thanks, Dad, but I'm- I'm not really looking for anything right now.
Cameron: But- Yeah, that's right. With me bringing home the bacon, Mitchell doesn't have to rush into anything.
Jay: Yeah, I know you have all that greeting card "screw you" money, but, uh, talk to the guy? He's expecting your call in the morning.

Cameron: Ooh. Who's she?
Mitchell: I hate it when you do that.
Cameron: Who's he?
Mitchell: It's Charlie Bingham. He's the guy that my dad wanted me to call. I googled him. Look.
Cameron: Oh, he owns Earthgear Apparel. I have their ski pants.
Mitchell: Really? You don't- You don't ski.
Cameron: I have cargo pants and I don't work at the docks.

Coach: Delgado, you're killing me, man!
Gloria: I love you, Manny, no matter what!