Haley: We can discuss my punishment later.
Claire: Yeah.
Phil: Did she learn that from us?
Claire: That can't be taught. It is a gift.

Phil: Who's Amy?
Manny: This girl Jay doesn't think is into me, but she left her coat here. Why else would a person do that?
Jay: By that logic, I love Denny's.

Phil: Well, I'm in the Jay camp. When you meet the right person, bang! That's what happened with- How long?
Claire: Uh, six months?
Mitchell: Six months. Yikes.
Phil: But you were preg-- tically engaged to me by then.
Alex: Mm, nice save, Dad.

Gloria: Aww, how cute! He wants cake!
Jay: No, no, listen, listen, listen! What's he saying?
Joe: Jay.
Jay: Jay! He's saying, "Jay"! He knows me! And that "J" word, that's harder to say than "dada"! He's a genius. Come here.

Manny: So, it took you six months, huh, Phil? I can do six months.
Lily: I'll be here!
Cameron: I'm not loving this.

Claire: His door is still closed. What is he doing in there?
Phil: I think we both know what he's doing in there.
Claire: He's been at it for hours.
Phil: That's how I was at his age.
Claire: He's gonna wear himself out. You should talk to him.
Phil: I don't want to embarrass him.
Claire: So, knock first.
Phil: Maybe you're right. I don't want him doing it wrong and getting hurt. Luke? [knocks] I'm coming in. Hey, man. Buddy!
[Luke is wearing headphones and is practicing ballroom dancing]
Luke: Dad?! Get out of here!
Phil: Don't be embarrassed, son. It's perfectly natural!
Luke: Get out!