‘Alone Time’
Season 8, Episode 21 - Aired May 10, 2017
Mitchell decides he needs a little break from his family, so he tells Cameron that he's heading to a hotel in the desert. After Jay gets wind of Mitchell's idea, he makes the same plan. Back home, Cameron struggles to spend the evening alone, so he checks in on Gloria and Manny. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire wonder if they'll ever have the empty-nest lifestyle they've been waiting for.
Quote from Cameron
Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.
Quote from Phil
Claire: So we're running away from home. I mean, i-i- Is that okay?
Phil: Yes. We live with three adults. We're basically landlords in an apartment building. We're the Ropers!
Quote from Jay
Jay: You said Cam wouldn't let you come. I thought it was safe.
Mitchell: Safe to what, steal my special day?
Jay: Well, you made it sound so good! The pool, the steak, no one to talk to.
Mitchell: Well, now we have someone to talk to. Thanks a lot.
Jay: Look, the place is gigantic. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
Mitchell: Oh, my God. Dad, you even stole the book that I'm reading.
Jay: When you were over at the house, I peeked at the jacket. I'm not gonna read something Larry King called "Crazy good"?
Quote from Alex
Alex: You know what's not real conducive to studying? 1200 nerds crying in every different Asian language! You knew finals were coming, people. Calm the hell down!
Quote from Manny
Cameron: Oh, no! No!
Manny: What?
Cameron: That's Joe's cape!
Manny: [gasps] Oh, no! Joe loves this cape more than anything. It goes me, the cape, chocolate chip cookies...
Quote from Mitchell
Joe: I'll fly there.
Gloria: Okay, vamanos!
Jay: Kid loves that cape.
Mitchell: So, I see your stance on sons wearing accessories has evolved.
Jay: The cape gives him superpowers. What did leg warmers give you?
Mitchell: Flair. They gave me flair.
Quote from Alex
Luke: Oh, good. You're here. Do we have any corn?
Phil: What is happening? Are those chickens?
Luke: Epic senior prank.
Alex: Don't make it too epic. How will you top it next year?
Quote from Dylan
Haley: Guess who I found driving through the neighborhood who insisted on stopping over to say hi with his new wife and her kids!
Dylan: It was me! Dylan. You know, from before?
Phil & Claire: Yeah.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: All right. Ground chicken beak. Mashed crickets. [gasps] Ew! Cilantro? Ugh.
Quote from Phil
Phil: We've earned the right to live the empty-nesters' life even though we're still full-nesters.
Claire: Oh, my God! Do you remember that bottle of wine we put aside the night Haley was born?
Phil: Yes! We were gonna open it the night all three of them moved out.
Claire: Uh-huh.
Phil: And watch one of the thousands of movies we missed 'cause they were sick or hungry or choking on the head of a Power Ranger.
Claire: I am a woman who has never seen "Thelma and Louise."
Phil: That's the only Harvey Keitel movie I've missed!