Alex Dunphy Quotes Page 11 of 12
Quote from The Last Halloween
Alex: I know it makes me seem shallow, but he had such a crazy body! How am I supposed to go back to nerd butts?
Quote from Dead on A Rival
Alex: Question. I need to hire an assistant. Do you think it would be unethical to hire the second most qualified candidate?
Haley: What's wrong with the most qualified?
Alex: Well...
[flashback to Alex talking with an extremely attractive man:]
Man: And after graduating Stanford engineering, I was offered a Rhodes Scholarship.
Alex: [giggles]
Man: Do you have any questions for me?
Alex: [giggles]
[present:]
Alex: I definitely have to carve out some extra time for giggling.
Haley: You can't discriminate against the poor guy just because he's a smoke show. I've been battling hot-shaming my entire life.
Alex: Please don't say "hot lives matter."
Quote from Finale Part 1
Haley: Well, Alex is the one that has the most education.
Alex: [scoffs] I shouldn't be penalized for being smart. I'm not running for president.
Quote from Family Portrait
Manny: Cool. The kiss cam. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera was on us and then the crowd started-
Alex: We're related.
Manny: Not by blood.
Alex: Touch me and there will be blood.
Quote from Sarge & Pea
Cameron: Well, if there's video of Lily's recital on her iPad, then I know it's for sure her, and plus, I can e-mail it to myself and have a proper viewing party.
Haley: Ooh, I've got a thing.
Alex: Yeah, I'll probably be working.
Cameron: I haven't even set a date yet. Okay, there's a passcode.
Alex: Well, of course there's a passcode. Give me that. All right, well, she ordered a powdered doughnut, so... All right. Chalky fingerprints on the 8, the 5, the 3, and the 1. Your passcode is some combination of those four.
Cameron: Oh, my God. You're brilliant.
Alex: Last year, I was doing differential topography at Cal Tech, and now I sketch leaves in milk foam for adult skateboarders. I need something more.
Quote from Good Grief
Haley: I can't believe Nana's gone.
Alex: If God really is an old white guy, he's about to get an earful.
Quote from Strangers in the Night
Alex: Alec.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: His dumb dad got transferred to dumb Africa to operate on some dumb babies. So fixing their hearts is worth breaking mine?
[back:]
Alec: It's kind of worth it. He can do like six operations a day.
Alex: Yeah. I-I-I understand. I'm sorry I'm lashing out. I-I just really like you.
Alec: I still like you.
Alex: You're making this worse.
Quote from Under Pressure
Dr. Clark: And this responsibility, where does it come from?
Alex: I'm not sure. It's just there.
Dr. Clark: So it's an internal pressure.
Alex: Yeah. Kind of. I mean, once you start overachieving, people expect things from you.
Dr. Clark: Like what people?
Alex: You know, the world... Teachers, parents, other kids. It's not all internal. Don't get me wrong. I like the way I'm wired. It's what's going to get me into a good school. It's what makes me who I am.
Dr. Clark: And how is that, being who you are?
Alex: I don't know. Mostly good. A little exhausting. Sometimes hard. I guess there's your answer. It's hard being me.
Dr. Clark: Tell me a little more about your family.
Alex: They're pretty normal, I guess. I'm not like any of them, but that doesn't really bother me.
Dr. Clark: Ever?
Alex: Only when they say things like "Alex, you study too much" or "Don't freak out" or "Go do something fun."
Quote from Yes-Woman
Alex: Uh, did I seem a little...
Tina: Zero Kelvin? Cold. Yeah.
Alex: So you think I was...
Tina: Like the sum of a group of numbers divided by the number of those numbers? Mean.
Alex: This is why no one wants to code with you, Tina.
Quote from A Year of Birthdays
Alex: Enough! This is terrible! I don't know why any of you people think this is funny! You may think these are jokes, but it's way too real. We need to respect Grandpa instead of cutting him down. None of us really knows how much time he has left. Do you really want these to be the last words he hears?
Jay: Well, now I feel like hell.
Alex: And that's how you roast! Bam! [laughter and applause]