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Modern Family: A Year of Birthdays

‘A Year of Birthdays’

Season 10, Episode 22 -  Aired May 8, 2019

Ahead of the birth of Haley and Dylan's twins, the family looks back at their birthdays over the past year.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Enough! This is terrible! I don't know why any of you people think this is funny! You may think these are jokes, but it's way too real. We need to respect Grandpa instead of cutting him down. None of us really knows how much time he has left. Do you really want these to be the last words he hears?
Jay: Well, now I feel like hell.
Alex: And that's how you roast! Bam! [laughter and applause]


Quote from Jay

Claire: Hey, Dad. So, what's going on with that hat?
Jay: Gloria thinks I look grumpy in the photos that we take when we go to these things, so I'm searching for the right hat that makes me look like I'm having fun.
Mitchell: Or you could just smile more.
Jay: Eh.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Wow! "The Sommelier's Guide to the Wines of France."
Claire: Ooh!
Phil: I love it so much. Oh, my goodness. It's inscribed. [gasps] "May you continue to age as gracefully as a fine Bordeaux." "Happy Birthday, Jay. Love, Cam."
Cameron: Cam. Yeah. Jay, you re-gifted my gift?
Claire: Dad!
Jay: I didn't know he wrote in it.
Cameron: Because you didn't open it.
Jay: So now I feel like a jerk.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I got Gloria the greatest Valentine's Day gift, a box set of DVDs of all the Dean Martin Roasts.
Gloria: I was so moved by the romantic gesture that for Jay's birthday, I invited a bunch of people over to insult him.

Quote from Shorty

Shorty: So, my ex-wife and I, we were on vacation with Jay and Gloria. They're walking down the beach, and my ex-wife says, "Whoa, look at all that skin." And I said, "Baby, come on." "What's wrong with that? She's a beautiful woman in a bikini." She said, "Oh, I'm talkin' about Jay's scalp." [laughter]

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Jay is so not Latin that every time that he dances, people point him to the bathroom. [laughter] He has no rhythm. That's what I mean. But seriously, I love the whites.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: No, but seriously, Jay is quite the environmentalist. Just this last year, he recycled a gift of mine, a wonderful book about wine. [laughs, whimpers]

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I-I don't want to say my father is old, but he remembers panicking at Y-1-K.

Quote from Claire

Claire: My dad is old.
All: How old is he?
Claire: He's so old that when he started using it, it was called Preparation G.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay. Just as I had hoped, Mitchell is miserable. He said he didn't want a party, but it's like when you write "No gifts" on an invitation but you secretly want everyone to bring something big and expensive, Jotham.
Jotham: I made a heartfelt toast at your party.
Cameron: Yes, and those words were just as generous as the actual physical gifts everyone else brought.

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