‘A Hard Jay's Night’
Season 5, Episode 19 - Aired April 2, 2014
Mitchell tries to put on a brave face when Cameron takes receipt of an unflattering wedding topper that his father whittled out of soap for them. Phil and Gloria spend the day at her old neighborhood salon as he tries to sell her old apartment. Meanwhile, Claire knows better than to expect a thank you from Jay for filling in for him at work.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: And that's a clock.
Cameron: Okay, well, do another one. I've done like four.
Mitchell: This dog is a worse hoarder than your Uncle Clayton.
Cameron: He's a collector.
Mitchell: Of expired yogurt?
Quote from Gloria
Phil: What a day, huh? Being back here must bring up a lot of memories.
Gloria: Oh, yeah.
Phil: Maybe even some emotions.
Gloria: Yeah. It feels weird.
Phil: No, weird's an adjective, not an emotion, but go on.
Gloria: Well, it's just that my life now is so different than before. So much easier.
Phil: And that makes you feel...?
Gloria: Good.
Phil: And also?
Gloria: And bad.
Phil: Why?
Gloria: I don't know.
Phil: Come on, now, Gloria.
Gloria: I don't know. I guess it just makes me feel a little ashamed.
Phil: Now, what in the world do you have to be ashamed of?
Gloria: It's just that, you know, before, when I used to live here, I used to work for every penny. I would stand on my own two feet. Now I just stand on expensive shoes that Jay buys for me.
Phil: Is that why it's so hard to let go of the apartment?
Gloria: No, Phil, it's not that-
Phil: Gloria.
Gloria: Maybe.
Phil: Gloria.
Gloria: Yes. It's the last piece of the old me.
Quote from Gloria
Phil: I'm sorry, but I think you're looking at this all wrong. The old you hasn't gone anywhere. I-I-I see it in the way you're raising Manny and Joe, the way you care for Jay. You never take anyone or anything for granted. You worked hard for years without knowing that things were gonna get better. And then the universe rewarded you. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Gloria: So you're not mad at me because I don't want to sell the apartment?
Phil: No. You'll know when you're ready, and I'll be here.
Gloria: Aw, Phil. You're the best.
Phil: Aw.
Gloria: There's no one like you.
Quote from Gloria
Cameron: Well, you'll all be happy to know that our search for the cake topper unearthed a number of family treasures.
Jay: Come on, Cam. We're eating over here.
Manny: Wait. Didn't I give you this for Father's Day? And that.
Jay: You see how this dog is?
Gloria: [gasps] My karaoke microphone.
Phil: Jay, check it out! The other walkie-talkie!
Gloria: Shame on you, Jay Pritchett! You have used this dog to bury the things that you hate.
Quote from Claire
Claire: [aside to camera] "Here's to 40 years in the business. Enjoy your new timer, old-timer." Suddenly, it made sense. In my dad's mind, I was reaching for a torch he wasn't ready to pass. Sure, someday, I'm gonna take over his business, but not tonight. Tonight is still Jay's night.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [over walkie talkie] Goldilocks to Papa Bear. Goldilocks to Papa Bear. Come in, Papa Bear.
Jay: This is Papa Bear.
Phil: On location in the garage, Papa Bear. Got some cocoa with your name on it. What's your 20?