Modern Family Quotes
- Episodes
- Season 1
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- Season 7
- Season 8
- 801 A Tale of Three Cities
- 802 A Stereotypical Day
- 803 Blindsided
- 804 Weathering Heights
- 805 Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook
- 806 Grab It
- 807 Thanksgiving Jamboree
- 808 The Alliance
- 809 Snow Ball
- 810 Ringmaster Keifth
- 811 Sarge & Pea
- 812 Do You Believe In Magic
- 813 Do It Yourself
- 814 Heavy is the Head
- 815 Finding Fizbo
- 816 Basketball
- 817 Pig Moon Rising
- 818 Five Minutes
- 819 Frank's Wedding
- 820 All Things Being Equal
- 821 Alone Time
- 822 The Graduates
- Season 9
- Season 10
- Season 11
Modern Family

Modern Family is a mockumentary that follows the extended Pritchett family with three diverse households that show what it means to be a modern family.
Starring:
Ed O'Neill, Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Sarah Hyland, Ariel Winter, Nolan Gould, Rico Rodriguez, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Jeremy Maguire, Reid Ewing.
Recurring Actors:
Adam DeVine, Nathan Lane, Fred Willard, Shelley Long, Elizabeth Banks, Benjamin Bratt, Chazz Palminteri, Dana Powell, Kevin Daniels, Rob Riggle, Stephanie Beatriz, Christian Barillas.
Original Run: 2009-2020.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Gloria in Won't You Be Our Neighbor
Gloria: Enough! You two are acting like two little boys. So I'm gonna have to handle this how my mother handled my two brothers. It's either you two work this out or you kill each other.
Popular Quotes
Quote from Claire in The Closet Case
Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.
Quote from Cameron in Unplugged
Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?
Quote from Gloria in Unplugged
Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!
Quote Collections
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The creative ways Phil Dunphy answers the phone.
12 quotes
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Quotes from Clive Bixby and Juliana, Phil and Claire's romantic alter egos.
23 quotes
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“Closets Closets Closets Closets”
Jay Pritchett's tales from decades in the closet industry.
22 quotes
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“Cameron Tucker's Tales from the Farm”
Cameron Tucker's tales of growing up on a farm in Missouri.
31 quotes
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A selection of quotes featuring Phil Dunphy's creative, G-rated exclamations and curses.
19 quotes
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Enjoy a selection of quotes from Halloween episodes of Modern Family.
39 quotes
Trending Quotes
Jay: You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.
Waitress: Jesus.
Jay: Oh, I don't mean to be a bummer. I'm just saying it goes fast. Like the expression... "You never know the last time you pick up your kid."
Quote from Phil in The Day We Almost Died
Phil: I just stopped by to give you guys a little care package to show you there's no hard feelings.
Gil Thorpe: Class act, dung beetle.
Phil: Here's the malpractice attorney most of his clients have used after he's ripped them off. You will be losing some sleep, but these have always helped my wife. And this priest is retired, but I think he still does exorcisms, which you'll need after today.
Sam: Listen, Phil.
Gil Thorpe: It's okay. It's sad, really, to see a once-mediocre realtor reduced to this.
Phil: Gil, please, let's keep this civil. Oh, by the way, if you ever speak disrespectfully again about my wife, I'll kill you. Sorry. That sounded like a joke. I will actually kill you. Anyhoo, when you guys wake up and smell the sulfur, here's a list of other realtors, and if you need me, I'll be in the office at 9:00... Uh, 10:00. I have the dentist.
Quote from Phil in The Incident
Phil: Honey, I would love to let you go to the concert. Are you kidding me? I think concerts are rad. Hello! I was a Hall-raiser.
Haley: A what?
Phil: I followed Hall & Oates around the country one summer. "Rich Girl" just spoke to me. I was dating this girl.
Not, not dating. I guess I was following her, too, kind of.