Modern Family Quotes

Modern Family

Modern Family

Modern Family is a mockumentary that follows the extended Pritchett family with three diverse households that show what it means to be a modern family.

Starring: Ed O'Neill, Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Sarah Hyland, Ariel Winter, Nolan Gould, Rico Rodriguez, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Jeremy Maguire, Reid Ewing.
Recurring Actors: Adam DeVine, Nathan Lane, Fred Willard, Shelley Long, Elizabeth Banks, Benjamin Bratt, Chazz Palminteri, Dana Powell, Kevin Daniels, Rob Riggle, Stephanie Beatriz, Christian Barillas.
Original Run: 2009-2020.

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Quote from Jay in When a Tree Falls

Gloria: Oh, I see what this is. You called Claire to babysit the stupid pregnant lady!
Jay: You're the one who called her.
Gloria: I did?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I called Claire. Gloria needs watching. She's got a serious case of pregnancy brain. Last week, I found a bar of soap in the fridge and a stick of butter in the shower. I walked around all day smelling like a bucket of popcorn.
Manny: Better than the toast I ate.
Jay: Yet you ate the second piece.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Claire in The Closet Case

Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.

Quote from Cameron in Unplugged

Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?

Quote from Gloria in Unplugged

Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

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Quote from Jay in Spuds

Jay: You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.
Waitress: Jesus.
Jay: Oh, I don't mean to be a bummer. I'm just saying it goes fast. Like the expression... "You never know the last time you pick up your kid."

Quote from Alex in Under Pressure

Dr. Clark: And this responsibility, where does it come from?
Alex: I'm not sure. It's just there.
Dr. Clark: So it's an internal pressure.
Alex: Yeah. Kind of. I mean, once you start overachieving, people expect things from you.
Dr. Clark: Like what people?
Alex: You know, the world... Teachers, parents, other kids. It's not all internal. Don't get me wrong. I like the way I'm wired. It's what's going to get me into a good school. It's what makes me who I am.
Dr. Clark: And how is that, being who you are?
Alex: I don't know. Mostly good. A little exhausting. Sometimes hard. I guess there's your answer. It's hard being me.
Dr. Clark: Tell me a little more about your family.
Alex: They're pretty normal, I guess. I'm not like any of them, but that doesn't really bother me.
Dr. Clark: Ever?
Alex: Only when they say things like "Alex, you study too much" or "Don't freak out" or "Go do something fun."

Quote from Jay in Express Yourself

Waitress: Can I get you anything?
Jay: You know what a Reuben is?
Waitress: Yes.
Jay: No, you don't. This is a Reuben. You grill the bread and the corned beef separately. Now, I said corned beef. There's no vodka in a martini. There's no pastrami in a Reuben. You put 'em together. Then you have 'kraut, Swiss, Russian. Axis, neutral, ally. That's how you remember.
Waitress: Got it. Rodrigo! Number siete!