‘The Bully’
Season 2, Episode 10 - Aired December 17, 2000
The natural order of the playground is disrupted when a dejected Reese, fresh off being beaten by a girl in a wrestling match, no longer wants to be a bully. Meanwhile, Francis begs his parents to let him travel home for his birthday.
Quote from Malcolm
Dewey: Is Reese a girl now?
Malcolm: No, Dewey. He's a lady.
Reese: Shut up!
Malcolm: Sorry, ma'am.
Quote from Stevie
Dabney: Hey, Malcolm. I heard about your brother last night.
Malcolm: It was hilarious. You didn't see it?
Stevie: A sporting... event?
Malcolm: Right.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Hi, sweetie. What's wrong? Is it Francis?
Lois: Yeah. He keeps calling. His stupid stories are touching, in a way. You know, he just wants to come home. It's the first time he's been away on his birthday.
Hal: Well, maybe we can at least do something that night to take our minds off it. A guy at work won these concert tickets on the radio.
Lois: Jimmy Buffett?
Hal: He didn't want them. Can you imagine?
Quote from Stevie
Lloyd: Hey, Malcolm. Want my cake?
Malcolm: You're not hungry?
Lloyd: No. I ate my lunch and my decoy lunch. Now that Reese isn't stealing it anymore, I get both.
Dabney: And Reese hasn't made me eat grass for a week. Everything tastes better.
Stevie: Life... is good.
Quote from Malcolm
Boy: I've been taking ballet, and I don't care who knows it.
Reese: Good for you.
Malcolm: [to camera] Two days ago, Reese would've creamed that kid. Things are really changing. It's like we've entered an age of enlightenment. It's kind of nice.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: [to camera] Well, you learn something new every day. Evidently, I'm not as charming as I thought.
[Two boys dangle Malcolm's head into a garbage can]
Boy #1: You know, you really make us feel bad with your hurtful comments.
Boy #2: Yeah.
Boy #1: You know I'm insecure about my taste in clothes, yet you continue to make cutting remarks about my outfits.
Boy #2: Yeah!
Boy #1: You walk around acting all smart and funny, but did you know I cry myself to sleep every night?
Boy #2: Ye... You do?
Quote from Francis
Francis: I wish I could say this was the stupidest thing I've ever done. You know, on top of everything, they're going to make me fix the window when I get back.
Nurse: Don't be so hard on yourself. You have every right to be upset. I can't believe your parents are leaving you all alone on your birthday. You poor thing.
Francis: Well, it isn't that bad.
Nurse: Yes, it is.
Francis: Yeah, I guess you're right. You know, this is going to be my first birthday without a cake.
Nurse: You know what? You're not going to spend your birthday alone. You're coming to my place, and I'm going to make you a nice dinner.
Francis: No. Why should you have to bother with me just 'cause I'm injured and... all alone?
Nurse: I'll even make you a cake. What kind do you...
Francis: German chocolate.
Quote from Francis
Eric: Heard you got a hot date.
Francis: Nah, just a nurse... with her own place. No biggie.
Eric: You're a lucky man, Francis. You got a way with the ladies, you got parents who love you...
Francis: What are you talking about? [sees birthday balloon and basket] Hey, whose birthday is it?
Eric: According to the card, it's yours.
Francis: Wow. My family finally sent me a present, eight months late. Which is... [cadets advance on Francis] ironic 'cause my mom works at the post office. Started back in '87. Used to be a letter sorter. [Joe holds out an electric razor] Okay, how about right here?
Quote from Dabney
Lloyd: Don't you see? The whole school needs you back administering your unique form of evenhanded brutality.
Reese: You're saying my being a bully's a good thing?
Dabney: Yes! You're our only hope.
Stevie: Stop it! Stop it! I'm... immune. I'm... immune!
Reese: Hey! Stevie's off limits!
Dabney: He used to be.