‘Softball’
Season 5, Episode 12 - Aired February 15, 2004
Malcolm feels he can't get away from Lois at home or at work so he decides to join the store softball team. Hal accidentally ends up interviewing for a spy agency. Francis travels home to prove Lois wrong after she said he was lazy during a phone call. Meanwhile, Dewey manipulates Reese into trying to break Francis's dumb record.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: [to camera] This will show her! It has to! Oh, man. I don't care, I'm going for it. I'll bet she planned the whole thing so it would end up like this. Now the only way I can score is if I'm willing to cleat my own mother in the face. I can't do it. What do you know?
Umpire: He's out!
Lois: Honey, if you're gonna cleat someone, you have to remember to lead with your heel. [Malcolm whimpers]
Quote from Francis
Francis: [on the phone] Didn't you hear me, Piama? I got 14 toilet seats. I have the record again. You know, Mom said this is exactly how you'd react.
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: So, I was reading this really interesting story about glass eaters... Nah, you don't want to hear this.
Reese: Dewey, when are you gonna learn that I'm the guy who makes the decisions around here? Go on.
Dewey: Well, apparently the trick is...
Quote from Lois
Lois: Well, that was a pretty shameful display this afternoon.
Malcolm: Look, I-I was...
Lois: It's all right. I'm not gonna ask you why you've been behaving like this lately, because I think I know. You're jealous of the new baby. And you're right, I haven't been giving you enough attention lately. But don't worry. Tomorrow we're gonna go out, we're gonna get you a haircut and some new undershirts, just the two of us, okay?
Malcolm: Thanks, Mom.