[Reese goes into the fridge, pulls out a bottle of milk and drinks directly from the bottle]
Lois: [over baby monitor] What are you doing?
Reese: [chokes] Nothing.
Lois: Get a glass. [Reese drinks from the bottle] Don't you dare! When I get well, I am going to beat you blue, mister! Get a glass!
Reese: All right. Okay.
Dewey: Can I have some milk?
Lois: Yes, but get a glass.
Dewey: Okay.

Lois: [on the phone] Hi, sweetie.
Francis: Hi, Mom.
Lois: Oh, I am in such pain because of my back. The doctor says I have to stay in bed for three days-
Francis: Mom
Lois: -with my leg on a pillow and then put ice on it. Ice.
Francis: Look, Mom.
Lois: I mean, have you ever heard of such a thing? I never heard of such a thing. That doesn't make any sense to me.

Hal: Stretch. Nose to knees, nose to knees, and release. Ooh. You feeling a little limber now?
Malcolm: Mostly I feel sleepy.
Hal: Well, we have to start early. We've got a lot of ground to cover. Rule number one: you can't question my ways. I'm the top skate-dog. Understood? You may not like my methods but let me just show you what you can accomplish if you stick with it.

Malcolm: [to camera] Should I be impressed or horrified? [to Hal] Dad, that was unbelievable.
Hal: Whew! That routine won me a gold medal, a macrame plant hanger and your mother's heart all in the same afternoon.

Hal: Want to see your skates?
Malcolm: Yeah.
Hal: Come on. Now, I prefer a Saratoga four-wide but I know you kids like that in-line stuff. So...
Malcolm: Whoa! They're beautiful!
Hal: They are, aren't they?
Malcolm: Wait, I don't get to wear them?
Hal: Oh, no you're not ready for those just yet. That's just your incentive. One step at a time, Malcolm. Roll to the goal.
Malcolm: Huh?
Hal: You're going to start with these.
Malcolm: Why do I have to-
Hal: Ah-ah-ah. Top skate-dog. Now, let's see you skate through those cones.
Malcolm: I don't have skates.
Hal: Your skates are in here. Go on.

Malcolm: How about my skates? Can I at least try on my skates?
Hal: Absolutely not. You need at least two more days.
Malcolm: Two days?
Hal: Uh-huh.
Malcolm: I know enough to play a stupid game of street hockey now. That's all I care about.
Hal: Malcolm, we go at the speed I say. This is about safety and proper technique.
Malcolm: But it doesn't make any sense.
Hal: That's because you're not in a skating state of mind. Now, that's it. Okay? We're done. Go home. You know what? Thanks to your attitude we are now a day behind.
Malcolm: Fine!

Hal: The boy's fighting me, Lois. Oh, he's got the talent, but he's reckless and wild.
Lois: Fine. I'll talk to him.
Hal: That's not what I'm asking.
Lois: Well, that's what going to ha- [groans in pain]
Hal: Would you just take the darn pill... dear?

Malcolm: I can't believe he cut me off.
Reese: You questioned his ways. Never question his ways. That just makes it take even longer.
Malcolm: You going to go play hockey?
Reese: You bet. I'll see you out there... in a month or two.

Francis: Uh, Houston, we are good to go. [imitating static] Uh, Roger that. You are good to go in five, four, three, two, one. Go! [sprays fire extinguisher] Whoo! Hey fellas! Boy, has it been two days already? How was it, huh? You just missed the big fire. But, um, luckily I was here to put it out. Can I offer you some cookie dough?
[cut to:]
Francis: Come on, guys, let's be reasonable. I can't spend two days in the woods tied to a chair.
Stanley: Three days. One extra for lying.
Francis: Well, at least lend me a jacket! Or some food! Dudes, come on! You can't leave me out here with nothing! [a knife lands in the ground] That was to me, not at me, right?