Hal Quote #584

Quote from Hal in Reese Comes Home: Part 3

Malcolm: [scoffs] The army. What do you expect of people who would give Reese a gun?
Lois: Oh, that's right. It's the army's fault if your brother gets killed.
Hal: Now, Lois, we can't blame Malcolm for stealing Reese's girl and causing this whole mess in the first place.
Malcolm: Huh?
Hal: Kids his age are nothing but raging hormones and hideous self-involvement. They are all amoral little creeps.
Lois: Don't defend him, Hal. Just help me make dinner.
Dewey: Great, "angry meat loaf". Thanks a lot.

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 ‘Reese Comes Home: Part 3’ Quotes

Quote from Hal

Hal: It doesn't have to be tuna surprise. It can be chicken surprise, or beef, but there will be a surprise involved.

Quote from Lois

Lois: Give one of them special privileges for no reason.
Sgt. Hendrix: How does that work?
Lois: It's really pretty neat. The others don't know why he got special privileges so they start doing everything right just to catch up. Then the one you singled out starts getting suspicious and paranoid and he starts informing on the stragglers.
Sgt. Hendrix: That sounds pretty good. You mind if I steal that one?
Lois: Yeah, be my guest. You know another good one? Let them pick punishments for each other. It exercises their creativity and keeps them from ganging up on you.
Sgt. Hendrix: Nice.
Lois: You can also take their breakfast, lunch and dinner, put it the blender and grind it up into a gray paste. Eventually, they eat it. That's kind of fun.
Sgt. Hendrix: You are an artist.
Lois: No, I'm just a talented amateur.
Sgt. Hendrix: I wish I could help you. I wish I could just open this drawer up and show you the information you need. But I can't. It's got me so frustrated that I just want to stare intently out this window for, oh, say... 120 seconds.

Quote from Lois

Malcolm: Mom, what happened?
Lois: I'll tell you what happened. I told them how my underage son ran away and joined the army under false pretenses and was sent off to combat and you know what they said? They said if you can find out what name he used, they can have him back to us in six months. Six months! They'll have him back to us in six months?!
Malcolm: [to camera] I don't know if she's upset he's gonna get killed, or met someone else is gonna do it.
Hal: Honey, you know you're gonna lose a nail inside your palm again. Just calm down and let the army-
Lois: I don't trust the army, which means this family has to find him, and I don't trust this family, which means I have to find him. [Lois unclenches her hand]
Hal: Two Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star?
Lois: And he blubbered like a baby.